A
HISTORY

OF
HUMANKIND

The
Doctor
’s

OFFICIAL

Guide

A
HISTORY

OF
HUMANKIND

The
Doctor
’s

OFFICIAL

Guide

CONTENTS

Introduction
..............................................................................................6

Prehistory
–
The
Start
of
Life
on
Earth
.......................................................8

6

The
Age
of
the
Dinosaurs
..........................................................................

Dinosaur
Extinction
...................................................................................12

10

12

14

The
Stone
Age
...........................................................................................14

Stonehenge
................................................................................................16

Ancient
Egypt
and
the
Pyramids
................................................................

The
Ancient
Egyptian
Gods
.......................................................................

Life
in
Ancient
Egypt
.................................................................................

The
Legend
of
Atlantis
..............................................................................

The
Myth
of
the
Minotaur
.........................................................................

................................................................18

The
Ancient
Egyptian
Gods
.......................................................................20

Life
in
Ancient
Egypt
.................................................................................22

The
Legend
of
Atlantis
..............................................................................24

The
Myth
of
the
Minotaur
.........................................................................26

The
Siege
of
Troy
.......................................................................................28

The
Roman
Empire
....................................................................................30

Pompeii
and
the
Eruption
of
Vesuvius

........................................................

...............................................................................

...............................................................................................

............................................................

................................................................................

32

The
Legacy
of
Pompeii
...............................................................................34

The
Vikings
...............................................................................................36

The
Norman
Conquest
of
England
............................................................38

Richard
the
Lionheart
................................................................................40

The
Legend
of
Robin
Hood
........................................................................42

King
John
and
Magna
Carta
.....................................................................46

Medieval
Life
.............................................................................................48

Marco
Polo
................................................................................................50

The
Aztecs
.................................................................................................52

The
Renaissance
........................................................................................54

Leonardo
da
Vinci
.....................................................................................56

The
Massacre
of
the
Huguenots
................................................................58

enice
and
International
Trade
.................................................................60

Venice
and
International
Trade

Queen
Elizabeth
I

William
Shakespeare

Queen
Elizabeth
I
......................................................................................62

William
Shakespeare
.................................................................................64

The
English
Civil
War
................................................................................70

The
Age
of
the
Highwayman
.....................................................................72

The
Plague
and
the
Great
Fire
of
London
..................................................74

The
Disappearance
of
Captain
Avery
.........................................................76

The
Decline
of
the
English
Nobility

............................................................

68

70

72

74

The
Hunt
for
Avery’s
Treasure
....................................................................78

The
Jacobite
Rebellion
and
Battle
of
Culloden
...........................................

Louis
XV
and
Madame
de
Pompadour
......................................................

The
French
Revolution
and
the
Reign
of
Terror
..........................................

..........................................

..........................................................................

................................................

80

82

86

88

90

The
Industrial
Revolution
..........................................................................

Life
in
Victorian
London
–
The
Workhouse
................................................

Charles
Dickens
.........................................................................................94

The
American
Wild
West
...........................................................................98

.........................................................................................

Gunfi
ght
at
the
O.K.
Corral
.......................................................................102

The
Mystery
of
the
Mary
Celeste
..............................................................104

Queen
Victoria
..........................................................................................106

The
Age
of
Railway
....................................................................................110

Jack
the
Ripper
..........................................................................................114

Vincent
van
Gogh
......................................................................................116

The
Late
Victorian
Age
..............................................................................

The
Rise
of
the
‘Model
Village’
..................................................................

The
Fang
Rock
Lighthouse
Mystery
............................................................

British
Education
in
the
Early
Twentieth
Century
.......................................

World
War
I
...............................................................................................

British
Society
between
the
Wars
...............................................................

The
Wall
Street
Crash
and
its
Consequences
.............................................

The
Rise
of
Adolph
Hitler
...........................................................................

Cracking
the
German
Codes

The
Royal
Air
Force
and
Bomber
Command

British
Secret
Weapons
of
World
War
II

The
Coronation
of
Queen
Elizabeth
II

British
Secret
Weapons
of
World
War
II

The
Coronation
of
Queen
Elizabeth
II

Apollo
II
and
the
Moon
Landing

....................................................................................

..........................................................................................

......................................................................................116

120

124

128

132

134

136

The
SS
Bernice
..........................................................................................138

Agatha
Christie
.........................................................................................

.........................................................................................140

.............................................142

London
in
the
Blitz
....................................................................................148

...........................................................................146

....................................................................................

....................................................................................

......................................................................152

The
Royal
Air
Force
and
Bomber
Command
..............................................

British
Secret
Weapons
of
World
War
II
.....................................................

The
Royal
Air
Force
and
Bomber
Command
..............................................

.....................................................

The
Cold
War
............................................................................................

The
Coronation
of
Queen
Elizabeth
II
.......................................................

......................................................................152

..............................................154

.....................................................156

160

154

156

.......................................................160

Apollo
II
and
the
Moon
Landing
...............................................................

............................................................................................168

...............................................................164

Index
.........................................................................................................176

World
Map
................................................................................................

172

contents
page

boring

boring!!!

Boring

Boring

Boring

boring!!!

Who
reads
the

anyway?!

Just
turn
over!

INTRODUCTION

D

INOSAURS
WERE
just
one
form
of
prehistoric
life.

just
one
form
of
prehistoric
life.

they
became
extinct.
The
word
dinosaur
comes
from
the

They
lived
on
Earth
for
over
165
million
years
before

They
lived
on
Earth
for
over
165
million
years
before

they
became
extinct.
The
word
dinosaur
comes
from
the

introduction
here,
but
it
was

they
became
extinct.
The
word
dinosaur
comes
from
the

introduction
here,
but
it
was

There
was
another

term
Dinosauria
(meaning
‘terrible
lizard’),
which
was

although
dinosaur
bones
and
fossils
had
been
found
as

term
Dinosauria
(meaning
‘terrible
lizard’),
which
was

early
as
1818.

rubbish
so
I’ve
stuck
this
here

to
save
you
having
to
read
it.

Utter
drivel.

Honestly.

I
mean,
yes,
history
is
important
–

very
important
–
but
you
don’t
have

to
be
so
pompous
about
it.
Especially

as
a
lot
of
the
history

in
this
book
was
just
wrong.

although
dinosaur
bones
and
fossils
had
been
found
as

coined
by
English
scientist
Sir
Richard
Owen
in
1842,

6

But
it’s
all
right
–
I’ve
fixed

it.
I’ve
taken
out
the
rubbish,

useless,
inaccurate
stuff
and

added
more
interesting

accounts
of
what

really
happened.

I
hope
you
enjoy
it
–
but
even

if
you
don’t,
at
least
you’ll
be

learning
something
useful.

Note
to
the
Coal
Hill

school
librarian

I
don’t
know
how
you
decide
which
books
to

buy
for
the
library,
but
this
one
is
a
real

stinker.
You’re
lucky
I
found
it
and
sorted

it
out.
Maybe
in
future
you
should
consult

me
before
purchasing.

The
Doctor
John
Smith,

caretaker
(sometimes)

7

Oh,
and
I’m
looking
at
the
science

section
next
–
you
have
been
warned!

PREHISTORY

The
Start
of
Life
on
Earth

The
Start
of
Life
on
Earth

OW
LIFE
BEGAN
on
our
planet
is
still
something

of
a
mystery.
Some
scientists
think
that
life
appeared

as
soon
as
the
Earth’s
environment
was
stable
enough
to

support
it.
The
Earth
is
about
4.5
billion
years
old,
but
the

earliest
fossilised
bacteria
that
have
been
found
date
back

only
3.4
billion
years.

There
are
several
theories
as
to
how
life
started.
Some
say

micro-organisms
arrived
from
outer
space,
perhaps
via
a

Which
is
another
way
of

saying
you
don’t
know.

comet.
Others
believe
that
life
started
in
several
different

ways
in
different
places.

H

Jagaroth

spaceship

8

No,
it
isn’t.

Life
slowly
evolved
over
millions
of
years
into
more

Life
slowly
evolved
over
millions
of
years
into
more

complex
forms.

Life
began
on
Earth
because
of
the
Jagaroth.
Nasty,
callous,

warlike
lot,
the
Jagaroth.
The
last
of
them
crash-landed
on

Earth
and
tried
to
take
off
again,
but
their
atmospheric

thrust
motors
were
broken
so
they
used
their
spaceship’s

warp
drive
.
.
.
and
it
exploded.

The
explosion
sparked
the
first
life

in
the
amniotic
fluid
below.
Amino

acids
fused
into
cells,
which
eventually

evolved
into
plant
and
animal
life.

It
was
a
bit
more

complicated
than
that,

though,
because
a
Jagaroth

called
Scaroth
got

splintered
through
time

and
tried
to
go
back
and

stop
the
explosion.
Lucky

I
was
there,
really,
or
else

there’d
be
no
human
race.

Boom.

9

Scaroth

THE
AGE
OF

THE
DINOSAURS

INOSAURS
WERE
just
one
form
of
prehistoric
life.

They
lived
on
Earth
for
around
165
million
years

before
they
became
extinct.
The
word
dinosaur
comes

from
the
term
Dinosauria
(meaning
‘terrible
lizard’),
which

was
coined
by
English
scientist
Sir
Richard
Owen
in
1842,

although
dinosaur
bones
and
fossils
had
been
found
as

early
as
1818.

They
lived
on
Earth
for
around
165
million
years

before
they
became
extinct.
The
word
dinosaur
comes

D

Sea
Devils!!

10

Only
because
I
suggested
it
to
him.

There
was
no
intelligent
life
on
Earth
at
the
time
of
the

dinosaurs,
and
humans
did
not
evolve
until
millions
of

years
later.

What?!
Who
wrote
this
drivel?????

No
intelligent
life?
What
about
Homo
reptilia,
or

the
Silurians
as
they’ve
also
been
called?
They
had
a

whole
civilisation
when
humankind
were
just
apes!

But
then
the
Silurians
detected
a
small
planet
drifting
through

space
–
they
thought
it
would
collide
with
Earth
and
wipe
out

all
life,
so
some
of
them
left
in
spaceships,
and
most
went
into

hibernation
deep
underground.
They’re
still
there,
because
the

small
planet
never
hit.
It
went
into
orbit
and
became
the
Moon.

No
collision,
no
catastrophe.
Nothing
to
wake
the
Silurians
up.

11

The
various

types
of

Silurians

I’ve
met.

DINOSAUR

EXTINCTION

There
were
a
couple
of
pages
here
giving
all
sorts
of

daft
theories
about
why
the
dinosaurs
became
extinct
–

stuff
about
meteors
and
asteroids
and
comets.

All
complete
rubbish.

Look,
it’s
all
quite
simple.
The
dinosaurs
were
wiped
out
when

a
space
freighter
drifted
back
in
time
because
it
was
fitted

with
Cyber
technology.
The
Cybermen
were
trying
to
destroy

a
peace
conference
on
Earth
in
the
future,
but
I
got
involved

and
it
all
went
a
bit
wrong
for

them.
The
freighter
crashed

into
Earth
65
million
years

ago
and
its
antimatter

containment
vessel
split
open.

Huge
explosion.
End
of
the
dinosaurs.

12

And
the
end
of
my
friend
Adric

too,
sadly,
as
he
was
on
board.

OK,
so
the
dinosaurs
were

brought
forward
in
time
by

Professor
Whitaker
with
a

timescoop
as
part
of
his
insane

Operation
Golden
Age
project,

but
even
so.
It
happened.

I
was
there.
And
I
put

a
stop
to
it.
As
usual.

A
device
that
scoops
things
up
from
one
time
and

dumps
them
in
another
time
–
hence
the
name,
see?

13

Anyway,
you’re
humans
–
don’t

you
remember
that
London
was

evacuated
because
dinosaurs
appeared?

That
was
only
about,
what,
forty

years
ago
in
your
timestream?

That
’s
almost
yesterday.

THE
STONE
AGE

UMAN
PREHISTORY
is
divided
into
three
periods

based
on
the
technology
used
by
humankind
at
the

time.
These
are,
in
order,
the
Stone
Age,
the
Bronze
Age,

and
the
Iron
Age.

based
on
the
technology
used
by
humankind
at
the

time.
These
are,
in
order,
the
Stone
Age,
the
Bronze
Age,

H

In
the
Stone
Age,
humans
began
to
fashion
and
use
tools.

Some
tools
were
made
with
a
point,
others
with
a
sharp

edge
for
cutting.

They
did
a
lot
of
bashing
of
things

too,
I
seem
to
remember.

14

they
were
pretty
handy
with
a
stone,
prehistoric
humans.
remarkable,
really.

It
was
also
during
the
Stone
Age
that
the
human
race

discovered
fi
re
and
how
to
control
it.

Is
that
all
you’re
going
to
say
about
fire?

Fire
was
huge.
Fire
was
the
biggie.

I
met
one
tribe
who
had
lost
the

secret
of
fire,
and
they
were
not
a

happy
bunch,
I
can
tell
you.
They’d
cave

your
head
in
if
they
didn’t
like
you
–

another
use
for
a
stone-bashing

tool.
Kept
the
skulls
as
trophies.

Or
maybe
as
warnings.

To
be
honest,
I
didn’t
ask.
Didn’t
hang
about
either.
I
set
fire

to
some
stuff,
which
got
their
attention,
then
scarpered.

15

STONEHENGE

S

TONEHENGE
IS
ONE
of
the
most
famous
prehistoric

sites
in
the
world.
Located
in
Wiltshire,
England,
it
is

thought
to
have
been
constructed
between
3000
BC
and

2000
BC.
The
main
site
consists
of
a
ring
of
standing
stones,

though
many
are
now
missing
or
have
fallen
down.

I
see
you’re
being
as
exact
as
ever.

There
is
some
debate
about
how
the
huge
stones
were

transported
to
the
site
and
erected
there.
The
purpose
of

Stonehenge
is
also
one
of
the
mysteries
of
the
ancient

world.
It
may
have
been
constructed
as
an
observatory
or

as
a
religious
site.

16

The
Meddling
Monk
told
me
he
used

an
anti-gravitational
lift.

Not
going
to
mention
the
Underhenge,
then?
That’s
the
huge

cavern
beneath
Stonehenge
where
an
alliance
of
all
sorts
of

alien
life
forms
kept
the
Pandorica,
and
where
I
very
nearly

came
to
a
rather
sticky
end.
Not
nice,
all
those
alien

life
forms
just
suddenly
deciding
that
it
must
have
been

my
fault
that
the
universe
was
about
to
end.

Well,
maybe
it
was
my
fault,
but
even
so.

I
sorted
it
out,
though.
Rebooted
the
universe
and
put

everything
back
together
so
it
was
just
as
good
as
before.

If
‘good’
is
the
right
word.
Sometimes
I’m
not
sure.

17

ANCIENT

EGYPT
AND
THE

PYRAMIDS

O

NLY
ONE
of
the
Seven
Wonders
of
the
Ancient

World
is
still
intact
today:
the
Great
Pyramid
of
Giza

in
Egypt.
It
stands
over
140
metres
tall
and
took
twenty

years
to
build.
The
pyramids
were
built
as
grand
tombs
for

the
pharaohs,
who
were
the
rulers
of
Egypt.
The
pyramids

date
back
to
the
times
of
the
so-called
Old
Kingdom
and

Middle
Kingdom.

Middle
Kingdom.

18

Twenty
years
and
a
lot
of
slaves.

Doesn’t
anyone
use
dates
any
more?
Dates
are

useful.
Though
of
course
they
didn’t
know

what
year
BC
it
was
at
the
time
.
.
.

Scaroth,
the
last
of
the

Jagaroth,
would
tell
you
he

had
quite
a
lot
to
do
with

building
the
pyramids.
Which

would
explain
a
lot,
because

historians
can
never
make

up
their
minds
about

how
the
pyramids
were

actually
built.
That
said,

Scaroth
was
rather
full

of
himself,
so
it
could
all

be
wild
exaggeration.
And

you
can
do
a
lot
with

thousands
of
slaves

(but
that’s
no
excuse

for
having
them).

I
was
there
briefly
when
they
were
building
the
Great

Pyramid.
Didn’t
see
Scaroth
–
and
he’s
quite
distinctive,

what
with
his
green
skin
and
one
eye.
But
then
I
was

busy
trying
to
stop
the
Daleks
from
getting
hold
of
the

core
of
their
Time
Destructor,
which
I’d
stolen.
One
thing

I
learned:
ancient
Egyptians
and
Daleks
don’t
get
on.

19

THE
ANCIENT

EGYPTIAN
GODS

HE
PEOPLE
OF
ANCIENT
EGYPT
believed
in

many
different
gods
and
goddesses.
The
gods
oversaw

all
aspects
of
ancient
Egyptian
life
and
death.
They
were

the
ancient
Egyptians’
way
of
explaining
the
world
in

which
they
lived.

T

Exactly
how
many
gods
and
goddesses
the
ancient

Egyptians
worshipped
is
diffi
cult
to
assess,
but
it
was

certainly
over
1,500
and
possibly
as
many
as
2,000.

20

There
were
740.
Plus
Sutekh.
The
rest
are
made
up.

Makes
it
sound
like
they
were
made
up!
The
ancient
Egyptians
did

actually
meet
their
gods
–
well,
some
of
them.

It’s
all
based
on
the
Osirans,

one
of
whom,
Sutekh,
was
a

particularly
unpleasant
character.

Believe
me,
I
met
him.
Not
nice.

He
even
destroyed
his
own
world,

Phaester
Osiris,
then
left
a

trail
of
devastation
across
half

the
galaxy.
The
other
Osirans,

led
by
Horus,
finally
caught
up

with
him
in
ancient
Egypt.

I
doubt
that
was
much

fun
for
anyone,
but

the
wars
of
the

gods
entered
into

Egyptian
mythology.

They
imprisoned
Sutekh
beneath
a
pyramid
and
just
left
him

there
to
rot,
or
whatever
Osirans
do.
He
didn’t
manage
to

escape
until
1911
–
so
I
guess
he
did
lots
of
sitting
around

and
getting
bored.
When
he
did
escape,
I
was
there.
Luckily.

So
I
had
to
save
the
planet,
and
quite
possibly
the
whole
galaxy.

Again.

21

LIFE
IN

ANCIENT
EGYPT

T

HE
WIFE

of
Pharoah

Akhenaten
was

Nefertiti,
who
some

believe
ruled
on
her

own
after
his
death.

Together
they
had

six
daughters.

The
period
under
the
rule
of
Akhenaten
and
Nefertiti
was

perhaps
the
wealthiest
period
of
ancient
Egyptian
history.

Strangely,
no
burial
place
for
Nefertiti
has
been
identifi
ed,

and
her
mummy
has
never
been
found.

22

Not
that
strange
given
that
she
died
in
the

middle
of
the
twentieth
century.

Not
sure
the
picture

does
her
justice.

OK,
she
did
look
a

bit
like
that,
but
it

doesn’t
really
show

how
brilliant
and

feisty
she
was.

There
was
a
very
dull
page
about
ancient

Egyptian
life
and
history
here,
so
I
stuck
this

on
to
save
you
having
to
read
it.
Honestly,
the

most
boring
rubbish
.
.
.

But
Nefertiti,
well,
she
wasn’t

boring.
I
helped
her
out
when

she
had
some
trouble
with

a
swarm
of
giant
locusts.

Then
I
took
her
to
see

some
dinosaurs
on
a

spaceship
before
dropping

her
off
in
1902
with

the
explorer
and
hunter

John
Riddell
somewhere

in
Africa.
I
think.
They

seemed
to
get
on
all

right,
once
they
got

to
know
each
other.

23

THE

LEGEND
OF

ATLANTIS

A

A

TLANTIS
IS
A
FICTIONAL

island
fi
rst
mentioned

by
the
Greek
philosopher
Plato.
The
legend
goes
that

Atlantis
was
located
‘beyond
the
Pillars
of
Hercules’
and

went
to
war
with
Athens.
It
fell
out
of
favour
with
the
gods,

and
sank
beneath
the
waves.

Well,
that
much
is
true.
Not
the
gods

bit,
but
the
sinking.

24

No.

I
don’t
know
where
to
start
with

this
one.
Atlantis
existed.
End
of.

In
fact,
it
may
have
existed
several

times.
The
Dæmons
claimed
to
have

destroyed
it,
but
that
might
just

have
been
bluster
–
they’re
full
of

bluster,
the
Dæmons.

Anyway,
Atlantis
certainly
sank.

It
got
flooded
when
Professor

Zaroff
tried
to
drain
the
oceans

into
the
Earth’s
core.
He
was

a
complete
loony
and
then
some.

Crazy
as
a
nutty
fruitcake.

Bonkers
bananas.

I
went
to
Atlantis
a
long
time

before
that,
too,
during
the
reign

of
King
Dalios.
The
Master
tried

to
steal
the
throne
so
he
could
get

control
of
Kronos
the
Chronovore.

Long
story.
Didn’t
end
well
.
.
.

25

THE
MYTH

OF
THE

MINOTAUR

and
in
real
life.

N
GREEK
MYTH,

the
Minotaur
is
a

creature
with
the
body
of

a
man
and
the
head
of
a

bull.
It
was
imprisoned

by
King
Minos
of
Crete

in
the
middle
of
a
huge,

specially
designed
maze

built
at
Knossos,
which

was
called
the
Labyrinth.

Forced
to
pay
tribute
to

Minos,
Athens
sent
seven

young
men
and
seven

young
women
every
nine

years
to
be
devoured

by
the
Minotaur.
The

Athenian
prince
Theseus

insisted
on
going
as
one

of
the
men,
and
–
helped

by
Ariadne,
the
daughter

of
King
Minos
–
he
slew

the
Minotaur.

26

I

and
by
me.

Ariadne
gave
Theseus
a
big
ball
of
thread
so
he
could
mark
his

route
and
find
his
way
out
of
the
Labyrinth
again.
And
I

gave
Ariadne
the
thread.
If
I
hadn’t,
she
and
Theseus
were

going
to
unravel
my
scarf
–
the
cheek
of
it!

But,
actually,
creatures
with
heads
like
bulls
aren’t
that

uncommon.
There’s
the
Nimon
–
nasty
scavengers.
Had
a

run-in
with
them
once.
Not
a
pleasant
lot.
I
also
came

across
another
Minotaur-like
creature
that
was
a
sort

of
cousin
of
the
Nimon.
They
turned
up
on
primitive
worlds,

made
out
that
they
were
gods,
and
then
fed
on
the

people’s
faith.
Not
nice,
basically.

27

THE
SIEGE

OF
TROY

A

CCORDING
TO
LEGEND,
the
Greeks
besieged

the
ancient
city
of
Troy
for
ten
years
before
they

fi
nally
devised
a
plan
to
take
the
city.
They
constructed

a
huge
wooden
horse
–
an
animal
sacred
to
the
Trojans.

The
horse
was
hollow,
and
some
of

the
Greek
soldiers
hid
inside
while

the
others
sailed
away.
As
the

Greeks
had
hoped,
the
Trojans

dragged
the
enormous
wooden

horse
into
their
walled
city.
That

night,
the
soldiers
hidden
inside

the
horse
attacked
the
sleeping

Trojans
and
opened
the

city
gates
to
their

returning
army.

28

I’m
sorry
–
who
devised
the
plan?

It
was
all
my
idea.

Under
duress,
I
might

add.
I
was
captured
by

Odysseus.
I
pretended

to
be
Zeus,
king
of
the

gods,
but
they
weren’t

quite
as
impressed
as

I’d
hoped.
They
gave

me
two
days
to
come

up
with
a
plan
to
take

the
city
of
Troy.

I
always
thought
the
wooden
horse

was
a
daft
idea,
actually,
so
I
made
a

few
other
suggestions
first.
Flying

machines
that
could
be
catapulted

over
the
city
walls
with
soldiers

strapped
to
them,
for
example.

Odysseus
quite
liked
that
one.
But
he

insisted
on
me
being
the
first
to
try

it
out,
and
it
suddenly
didn’t
seem

like
quite
such
a
good
idea
after
all.

So
wooden
horse
it
was,

no
matter
how
improbable.

29

THE
ROMAN

EMPIRE

A

A

T
ITS
HEIGHT,

the
Roman

Empire
was
the
most

extensive
political
and
social

structure
in
the
Western
world.

The
empire
survived

various
attacks
and

setbacks,
including

the
Great
Fire
of

Rome
in
64
AD.

This
devastated

the
city
and

took
six
days

to
be
brought

under
control.

While
Emperor

Nero
blamed

the
fi
re
on
the

Christians,
some

historians
suggest
that

he
may
have
started

the
fi
re
himself.

Well,
of
course
he
did.

30

like
having

thousands
of

soldiers
kidnapped

by
aliens
and
made

to
fight
in
their

war
games.

And
here’s
what
actually
happened:

Nero
wanted
to
rebuild

Rome
(and
name
it

after
himself
–
talk

about
arrogant).

The
Senate

wouldn’t
agree,
so

he
was
a
bit
stuck.

Someone
accidentally

set
fire
to
Nero’s

plans
for
the
new

city.
(I
won’t
say
who,

because
that’s
just

a
teeny-weeny
bit

embarrassing.)

This
gave
Nero
the
idea
to

burn
down
the
real
city
to

make
way
for
his
new
one.

Then
he
blamed
the
Christians.

Not
sure
why
they’d
want
to
burn

down
Rome,
but
there
you
go.

Can’t
say
I
took
to
Nero,
really.

I
did
convince
him
I
was
a

terrific
lyre
player,
but
his

response
was
to
try
to
have

me
play
in
the
arena
while
being

attacked
by
lions
and
alligators.

I
don’t
think
he
really

appreciated
talent.

31

POMPEII
AND

THE
ERUPTION

OF
VESUVIUS

OUNT
VESUVIUS,
on
the
west
coast
of
Italy,
is
one

of
the
only
volcanoes
in
mainland
Europe
to
have

erupted
in
the
last
100
years.
But
it
is
most
famous
for
its

eruption
back
in
79
AD,
when
it
caused
huge
devastation.

eruption
back
in
79
AD,
when
it
caused
huge
devastation.

M

When
Vesuvius
erupted,
the
nearby
city
of
Pompeii
was

still
recovering
from
the
effects
of
an
earthquake
that

had
struck
in
62
AD.
Pompeii,
the
neighbouring
town
of

Herculaneum,
and
several
other
local
Roman
settlements

were
buried
in
ash.
It
is
not
known
how
many
died
in
the

disaster,
but
about
1,500
bodies
have
been
unearthed
in

Pompeii
and
Herculaneum.

32

You’re
telling
me.

It
was
my
fault,
I’m

afraid.
Well,
I
was
only

putting
history
back
on

track.
The
Pyroviles
were

going
to
use
the
energy

from
Mount
Vesuvius
to

set
up
a
fusion
matrix
and

turn
everyone
on
Earth

into
Pyroviles.
There

wouldn’t
have
been
an

eruption,
but
then
there

also
wouldn’t
have
been
a

human
race.
So
I
didn’t

have
much
of
a
choice,
really.

33

THE
LEGACY

OF
POMPEII

P

RESERVED
UNDER
VOLCANIC
ASH,
Pompeii

now
provides
a
unique
record
of
life
in
a
Roman

city.
Not
only
have
archaeologists
been
able
to
unearth

buildings,
but
also
many
of
the
contents
of
these
buildings.

The
bits
and
pieces
of
everyday
life
have
been
preserved,

including
utensils,
furniture,
ornaments,
lamps
and
even

some
foodstuffs.
Many
paintings
have
also
survived,
as

have
the
bodies
of
victims
buried
in
the
eruption.

34

Not
a
lot
of
consolation
for
the
people
who
died,
though.

It’s
a
hard

thing
–
perhaps

the
hardest
thing
of

all
–
to
sacrifice
people
to

save
others.
It
never
gets
any

easier.
But
at
least
in
Pompeii

I
was
just
making
things
happen

as
they
should
have
–
as
they

would
have
if
the
Pyroviles
had

never
arrived
on
Earth.

And
I
did
save
someone.

Donna
made
me
go
back,
and
I’m

glad
she
did,
because
I
saved

Caecilius
and
his
family.

That’s
what
I
do,
when
I

can:
I
save
people.
And,
to

make
sure
I
never
forget

that,
I
now
wear
Caecilius’s

face.
The
eyebrows
took
some

getting
used
to,
though
.
.
.

35

THE
VIKINGS

F

ROM
THEIR
HOMES
IN
SCANDINAVIA,
the

Vikings
raided
–
and
traded
with
–
large
areas
of

northern
and
central
Europe
from
the
late
eighth
to
late

eleventh
centuries.
Advanced
seafarers
as
well
as
warriors,

the
Vikings
also
explored
and
colonised,
reaching
as
far

as
Iceland,
Greenland
and
even
Canada.

I
pretended
to

be
Odin
once.

Didn’t
work

out
that
well

because
another

imposter
turned

up
with
better

technology.
I
had

a
yo-yo;
he
made

his
face
appear

in
the
sky.

Like
the
ancient
Greeks
and
Romans,
the
Vikings

worshipped
many
gods
and
goddesses.
Their
three
most

important
gods
were:
Odin,
the
god
of
war,
poetry
and

death;
Freyr,
the
god
of
agriculture
and
fertility;
and
Thor,

the
god
of
thunder,
who
also
protected
the
Vikings
from

cold,
hunger,
giants
and
other
dangers.

36

They
certainly
gOt
about.
They
stuck
me
and

Clara
on
a
boat
for
two
days.
Two
days!

The
Vikings
weren’t
all
warriors.
Some

were,
yes
–
but,
when
you’ve
had
to

try
to
train
a
few
Viking
farmers
and

blacksmiths
to
use
swords
without

chopping
off
their
own
fingers,

you
get
to
know
who’s
a

warrior
and
who
isn’t.

They
thought
Odin
had
turned
up,
but

the
imposter
was
one
of
the
Mire
–

even
nastier
and
more
warlike
than

the
Vikings.
Took
a
lot
of
clever
thinking

to
see
him
and
his
warriors
off,
I
can

tell
you,
and
it
cost
a
poor
young

girl
called
Ashildr
her
life.

But
I
managed
to
resurrect

her
–
I
made
her
pretty

much
immortal.

I’m
still
not
sure
whether
that

was
the
right
thing
to
do.

37

THE
NORMAN

CONQUEST
OF

ENGLAND

There
was
a
rather
complicated
explanation
of

events
here,
so
I’ve
made
it
better.

Here’s
what
happened:

So
in
January
of
that
same

year,
his
brother-in-law

Harold
Godwinson
became
king.

In
September,
the
Norwegian

king
Harald
Hardrada
invaded

northern
England.

King
Harold
marched

north
ASAP
and

defeated
Hardrada.

Harold
had
to
march
south
again.

38

At
the
beginning
of
the

year
1066,
King
Edward

the
Confessor
died

childless.
Very
sad.

But
then
William
of

Normandy
(aka
William

the
Conqueror)
invaded

southern
England.

His
army
was
pretty
tired

from
all
that
marching.

Harold
was
defeated
by

William
at
the
Battle

of
Hastings
–
though

it
wasn’t
actually
at

Hastings,
but
that’s

another
story.

I’ve
never
been
to
the
Battle
of
Hastings.
I
really

must
go
along
one
day
and
take
a
look.

I
have
been
to
Britain
in

1066,
but
further
north.

Met
another
Time
Lord

there
disguised
as
a
monk.

He
had
this
daft
plan
to

destroy
Harald
Hardrada’s

fleet
when
it
arrived
so

that
King
Harold
would
have

a
fresh
army
(instead
of
one

that
had
marched
up
and

down
so
much)
and
would
win

the
Battle
of
Hastings.

I’m
not
quite
sure
what
the
Monk
hoped
to
achieve.

He
seemed
to
think
that
Harold
was
a
better
king
than

William
would
be,
but
that’s
hardly
a
justification
for

messing
about
with
history
like
that.

39

RICHARD
THE

LIONHEART

ICHARD
I
OF
ENGLAND
reigned
from
1189

until
his
death
in
1199.
He
is
known
as
Richard
the

Lionheart
because
of
his
reputation
as
a
great
military

leader
and
soldier.

He
had
quite
a
temper
too.

R

Although
he
was
King
of
England,
he
actually
spent

very
little
time
in
the
country,
and
was
one
of
the
main

Christian
leaders
of
the
Third
Crusade
of
1189
to
1192.

These
leaders
aimed
to
retake
Jerusalem
from
the
Muslims

led
by
Saladin,
although
they
were
ultimately
unsuccessful.

40

When
I
met
him
during

the
crusade,
Richard
was

in
the
city
of
Jaffa.
He’d

got
a
bit
tired
of
all
the

fighting,
to
be
honest.

Wanted
to
broker
peace

by
marrying
off
his
sister

Joanna
to
Saladin’s

brother
Saphadin.

Trouble
was,
Joanna

wasn’t
that
keen.

Richard
wasn’t
too
happy

either.
He
thought
that
I’d

told
his
sister
what
he
was

planning,
but
actually
that

wasn’t
me
at
all.
He
got
a
bit

friendlier
when
he
found
that

out.
And
he
knighted
my
friend

Ian
Chesterton,
which
was

good
of
him.
Didn’t
offer
me

a
knighthood,
though.

41

He
wasn’t
a
legend,
he
was
just
a
bloke.
Very
ordinary.
Very
irritating.

THE
LEGEND
OF

ROBIN
HOOD

HE
LEGEND
OF
Robin
Hood

has
endured
for
centuries.

The
courageous
twelfth-century

outlaw
of
English
folklore

was
an
expert
archer
and

swordsman
who
lived

in
Sherwood
Forest

with
his
band
of
Merry

Men.
He
is
said
to
have

robbed
from
the
rich

and
given
the
proceeds

to
the
poor,
while
being

hunted
by
the
Sheriff
of

Nottingham.

T

One
story
tells
of
how
the
sheriff
held
an
archery

competition
with
a
golden
arrow
as
the
prize.
The
sheriff

knew
that
Robin
Hood
would
enter
and
win,
thereby

giving
the
sheriff
an
opportunity
to
identify
the
infamous

outlaw
and
have
him
arrested.

42

He
didn’t
look

anything
like
that.

The
hair’s
all
wrong

for
a
start.
And
he

wasn’t
courageous;

he
was
arrogant.

And
beardy.

Expert
swordsman?
I
Saw
hin
off
with
a
spoon.

Merry
Men?
Merry
isn’t
the
half
of
it.
Banter,

banter,
banter,
all
day
long.
It’s
surprising
they

got
any
outlaw
stuff
done
at
all.

Talking
of
which,

I
didn’t
see
any

evidence
of
giving
to

the
poor
–
or
robbing

from
the
rich,
come
to

that.
It
was
all
a
bit

cosy
and
smug.

And
that
archery
competition?
An
obvious
trap,
for
one
thing.

And,
for
another,
Robin
didn’t
win
it.
I
did.
Well
technically

I
cheated.
If
you
count
blowing
up
the
target
as
cheating.

43

Academics
and
historians
tend
to
agree
that
the
legend
of

Robin
Hood
must
be
based,
at
least
in
part,
on
an
actual

person
from
history.
If
Robin
Hood
did
exist,
it
has
been

suggested
that
he
might
have
been
the
Earl
of
Huntingdon.

It
pains
me
to
admit
it,
but
he
did.
Yes,

surprised
me
too,
but
there
you
go.

Nottingham
Castle

44

Spaceship

Not
surprising
since
he
was
an
actual
person
from
history.

Funny
how
stories
and
legends
grow
up
around
someone,

isn’t
it?
I
mean,
I’ve
met
Robin
Hood
and
I’m
still

not
sure
who
or
what
he
really
was.
He
just
wasn’t
a
very

convincing
real
person.
All
that
banter
–
it’s
not
natural.

Maybe
he
was
a
robot
–
like

the
Sheriff
of
Nottingham

and
his
knights
turned

out
to
be.
Not
Robin
of

Sherwood,
but
Robot
of

Sherwood.
It’s
possible.

Well,
OK,
it’s
unlikely,
but

then
so
is
rice
pudding.

45

And
I
suppose
I
can
see
some
value
in
a
man
born
into

privilege
deciding
to
leave
the
comfort
of
his
home
to
go

out
into
the
universe
and
help
the
weak
and
oppressed.

Yes,
that
has
a
ring
of
truth
about
it.

KING
JOHN
AND

MAGNA
CARTA

HE
YOUNGEST
OF
HENRY
II’S
SONS,
John,

became
King
of
England
after
the
death
of
his
brother

Richard
the
Lionheart
in
1199.
John
is
not
remembered

as
a
good
king.
He
is
famous
for
losing
the
Duchy
of

Normandy
to
Philip
II
of
France,
and
for
the
revolt
of
the

barons,
which
led
to
Magna
Carta.

There
may
be
a
reason
for
this.

T

Magna
Carta
was
signed
at
Runnymede
in
1215.
Magna

Carta
proposed
political
reform
and
covered
church
rights,

protection
from
illegal
imprisonment,
access
to
justice,

and
taxation.

46

Where
was
Magna
Carta
signed?

At
the
bottom!
Sorry
–
couldn’t
resist.

It
was
at
Sir
Ranulf
Fitzwilliam’s
castle.

The
TARDIS
materialised
in
the
middle
of
a
joust,

which
attracted
a
bit
of
attention
–
not
least

from
King
John.
Who
turned
out
not
to
be
the
real

King
John.
This
one
was
actually
a
shape-changing

robot
called
Kamelion,
which
the
Master
was
using

to
try
to
ensure
Magna
Carta
was
never
created.

Not
quite
sure
why
he
wanted
to
do
that
.
.
.

Just
to
cause
trouble,
probably.

47

I
met
King
John
once.

Or
rather,
I
didn’t,

but
for
a
while

I
thought
I
did.

MEDIEVAL
LIFE

Not
sure
about
snuff,
myself.
There
are
enough
things
in
the

universe
to
smell
already
without
sticking
more
up
your
nose.

Though
the
medieval
period
does
smell
rather
different
–
and

not
always
in
a
good
way.

48

Can’t
say
I
ever
really
took
to
medieval
life,
the
times
I’ve

visited.
Not
a
very
pleasant
period.
Not
a
very
advanced
one,

either,
so
I
can
see
why
the
Meddling
Monk
brought
a
few

home
comforts
with
him
to
1066.
Like
a
record
player,
and

a
stove,
and
a
toaster,
and
a
watch.
And
snuff.

When
I
first
met
Sarah

Jane
Smith,
she
sneaked

into
the
TARDIS
just

as
I
was
setting
off

for
somewhere
medieval.

She
ended
up
in
a
castle

and
thought
it
was
some

sort
of
historical
re-

enactment.
Well,
it’s
an

easy
mistake.

Still,
she
turned
out
to
be
quite

helpful
once
she
understood

what
was
going
on.
Irongron,

the
robber
baron
who
owned
the

castle,
was
helping
a
stranded

Sontaran
to
kidnap
scientists

from
the
late
twentieth

century.
He
wanted
them
to
help

repair
his
damaged
spaceship.
In
return,

the
Sontaran
gave
Irongron
more

modern
weapons,
and
even
a
fighting

robot
knight.

He
got
a
bit
miffed,
though,

when
he
found
out
the

robot
was
actually
me
in

disguise.
Clever,
eh?

49

MARCO
POLO

N
ITALIAN
MERCHANT
TRAVELLER,
Marco

Polo
lived
in
the
late
thirteenth
and
early
fourteenth

centuries.
Although
he
was
not
the
fi
rst
European
to
visit

China,
he
was
the
fi
rst
to
write
a
detailed
account
of

his
experiences
there,
and
The
Travels
of
Marco
Polo
was

published
in
about
1300.

A

Returning
to
Venice
after
twenty-four
years
of
travelling,

Marco
Polo
found
the
city
at
war
with
Genoa.
Marco
joined

the
war,
but
his
ship
was
captured
and
he
was
imprisoned.

While
in
prison,
Marco
dictated
his
stories
to
his
cellmate.

50

Who
embellished
and
added
some

of
his
own
stuff,
I
have
to
say.

I
can
tell
you
a
few
important
details
it
doesn’t
mention.
Like
me.

Marco
Polo
did
travel
a
lot,
but
he
got

quite
sick
of
it.
Sometimes
I
know
how
he

felt.
When
I
met
Marco,
he
just
wanted

to
go
home,
but
he
was
working
for
Kublai

Khan
and
couldn’t
leave
without
his

permission.
So
he
decided
to

soften
the
khan
up
with
a

gift
.
.
.
which
sounds
like

a
nice
idea,
except
the
gift

he
had
in
mind
was
the

TARDIS.
He
took
my

key
and
wouldn’t
let
me

have
it
back.

Still,
it
meant
I
got
to
meet

Kublai
Khan.
Nice
chap
–
getting

on
a
bit.
We
played
backgammon.

I’m
quite
good
at
backgammon.

I
won
thirty-five
elephants,

4,000
white
stallions,

I
won
thirty-five
elephants,

twenty-five
tigers,
the
sacred

tooth
of
Buddha,
and
all
the

commerce
from
Burma
for
one
year.

Unfortunately,
I
lost
the
TARDIS.

51

THE
AZTECS

HE
AZTEC
PEOPLE
of
Central
Mexico
dominated

the
area
from
the
fourteenth
to
the
sixteenth

centuries.
They
worshipped
various
gods,
most
notably

Huitzilopochtli,
the
god
of
war
and
the
sun,
to
whom

human
sacrifi
ces
were
made
in
which
the
priest
cut
out

the
victim’s
heart.

The
Aztecs
often
fought
‘no-killing’
wars.
Instead,
the

opposing
armies
would
take
as
many
prisoners
as
possible,

and
the
war
ended
when
each
side
had
enough
prisoners

to
sacrifi
ce.

T

That
doesn’t
sound
like
‘no-killing’
to
me!

52

The
Aztecs
are
also
remembered
today
for
their
art,

jewellery
and
architecture.

The
important
thing
it

doesn’t
mention
anywhere

here
is
cocoa:
do
NOT
make

a
cup
of
cocoa
for
an
Aztec.

Apparently
it
counts
as
a

declaration
of
marriage.

No,
I
didn’t
know
that

either,
but
I
found
out

the
hard
way.
Oh,
she
was

a
nice
enough
lady,
called

Cameca
.
.
.
but
it
would

probably
never
have
worked.

53

They
also
tried
to
marry

my
granddaughter
Susan

to
a
sacrificial
victim,

but
she
just
said
no.

Sensible
girl.

THE
RENAISSANCE

T

HE
RENAISSANCE
WAS
A
PERIOD
between

the
fourteenth
and
the
seventeenth
centuries
when

learning
and
culture
in
Europe
took
a
great
leap
forward.

Historians
consider
this
period
to
be
the
time
during
which

the
medieval
era
transitioned
to
the
modern
era.

Rather
depends
on
what
you
mean
by
‘modern’.

54

It’s
worth
pointing
out
here
that
the
Renaissance
was

also
a
time
when
the
human
race
was
incredibly
vulnerable.

Suddenly
you
were
showing
potential
–
the
potential
to

progress
beyond
the
confines
of
your
own
little
planet.

And
other
life
forms
were
watching
–
like
the
Mandragora
Helix,

which
is
a
spiral
of
pure
energy
that
no
one
really
understands,

not
even
me.
It
saw
the
human
race
as
a
potential
rival
power

and
tried
to
kill
off
most
of
the
great
thinkers
of
the
age.

Under
the
influence
of
the
Mandragora
Helix,
humankind’s

curiosity
wouldn’t
have
stretched
beyond
the
next
meal.

So
it’s
lucky
I
was

there
to
deal
with
it.

Well,
maybe
not
that

lucky,
since
I
was
the

one
who
brought
the

Mandragora
Helix
to

Earth
in
the
first

place,
when
some
of
its

energy
sneaked
into
the

TARDIS.
But
it
all

turned
out
fine,
which

is
what
matters.

55

LEONARDO

DA
VINCI

F
THERE
IS
ONE
FIGURE
who
can
be
said
to
exemplify

the
Renaissance,
then
it
is
Leonardo
da
Vinci.
Born
in

Florence
in
1452,
Leonardo
is
best
known
as
a
painter.

His
most
famous
works
include
the
Mona
Lisa
and

The
Last
Supper.

That
dreadful
woman
with
no

eyebrows
who
wouldn’t
sit
still.

I

Leonardo’s
interests
and
talents
covered
not
just
art
and

sculpture,
but
also
architecture,
music,
mathematics
and

engineering.
He
was
an
inventor
whose
ideas
were
often

far
ahead
of
their
time.

56

Not
all
of
them
were
very
practical
though.

Like
his
submarine
–
what
was
he
thinking?

Nice
chap,
Leonardo.
Met
him
briefly.

I
missed
him
when
he
was
painting
the
Mona
Lisas,
though.

And
no,
that’s
not
a
mistake
–
Mona
Lisas,
plural.
Captain

Tancredi
got
him
to
paint
another
half-dozen.
Tancredi
was
a

splinter
of
Scaroth
the
Jagaroth.

(Remember
him?
If
not,
go
back

to
the
prehistory
section
and

try
harder.)
He
wanted
lots

of
copies
of
the
Mona
Lisa

for
a
later
splinter
of

himself
to
sell
–
he

needed
money
for

his
time-travel

experiments.

57

The
Mona
Lisas
all
got
burned
–
well,
all
except
one,
which
is

now
back
at
the
Louvre
in
Paris.
Unfortunately
it
has
THIS
IS

A
FAKE
written
under
the
paint
in
felt
pen,
but
no
one’s
let

on
about
that.
I
think
they
were
just
glad
to
get
it
back.

THE
MASSACRE
OF

THE
HUGUENOTS

N
AUGUST
1572,
Catherine
de’
Medici,
mother
of

the
boy
king
of
France,
Charles
IX,
planned
to
marry

her
daughter
Margaret
to
the
Protestant
prince
Henry

of
Navarre.

I

But
here’s
what
happened
.
.
.

5
August
1570:
The
third
of
the
French
Wars
of

Religion
between
Catholics
and
Protestants
(Huguenots)

ends
with
the
Peace
of
Saint-Germain-en-Laye.
As
always,

you
humans
eventually
figured
out
that
you
were
going
to

have
to
sit
down
and
talk.

18
August
1572:

Marriage
of
Henry
of

Navarre
and
Margaret

of
Valois
in
Paris.

58

OK,
complicated
times.

22
August
1572:
Attempted
assassination

of
Huguenot
leader
Admiral
de
Coligny.
Probably
on

the
orders
of
Catherine
de’
Medici
(not
that
you

heard
it
from
me).

23
August
1572:
Catherine

de’
Medici
persuades
her
son
King

Charles
IX
to
give
orders
for
the

Huguenot
leaders
to
be
killed.

I
was
there.
Well,
almost.
I
got

a
bit
distracted
and
didn’t
meet

up
with
my
friend
Steven
Taylor

as
we’d
arranged,
which
meant

Steven
went
looking
for
me
–

and
instead
found
the
Abbot
of

Amboise,
who
looked
uncannily
like

I
used
to
look
back
then.
It
was

a
bit
of
a
shock
to
Steven
when

the
Abbot
got
killed.

But
things
got
out
of
hand,
and

it
became
a
general
massacre
of

Huguenots,
which
continued
until

October.
Thousands
–
possibly

tens
of
thousands
–
died.

Mind
you,
if
he’d
just
stayed
at
the
tavern
like
we’d

arranged,
everything
would
have
been
a
lot
simpler.

That
wouldn’t
have
stopped
the
massacre,
though.

History
can
be
so
very
cruel
sometimes.

59

VENICE
AND

INTERNATIONAL

TRADE

S
WELL
AS
CONTROLLING
a
huge
sea
empire,

Venice
was
a
major
centre
of
trade
and
commerce
in

the
Middle
Ages.
It
became
a
leader
in
both
economic
and

political
affairs
within
Europe.
By
the
seventeenth
century,

however,
Venice’s
naval
importance
was
reduced
and
its

trade
taken
over
by
other
countries
such
as
Portugal.

Civilisations
rise
and
fall
–
I’m
afraid

that’s
how
History
works,
sadly.

A

60

Venice
was
at
its
height
in
1580
when
I
was
there.

Almost
got
destroyed.

A
Saturnyne
called
Rosanna

Calvierri
(not
her
real

name)
had
fled
from

her
planet
when
it
was

consumed
by
cracks
in

time.
She
ended
up
in
Venice

with
her
children
–
a
lot
of
them,

all
sons.
So
she
set
up
a
school
to
get
young
Venetian
woman

she
could
convert
into
brides
for
her
boys.

They’re
a
fishy
lot,
the

Saturnynes
–
in
every
sense.

If
I
tell
you
they
pretended

to
be
vampires
so
that
people

wouldn’t
realise
how
nasty
they

really
were,
that
should
give
you

some
idea.
Basically
Rosanna
was

converting
girls
into
fish,
and

planned
to
sink
Venice
to
create

a
nice
fishy
home
for
them.

Told
you
–
fishy.

61

QUEEN

ELIZABETH
I

Um,
not
actually
true.

Q

Q

UEEN
ELIZABETH
I

reigned
as
Queen

of
England,
Ireland
and

Wales
from
1558
until

her
death
in
1603.
She

never
married
so
had

no
children.
This

meant
that
she

was
the
last

of
the
Tudor

monarchs.

That
is
true,

though.

The
Elizabethan
era
was
noted
for
seafarers
such
as

Francis
Drake
and
Walter
Raleigh.
It
was
during
the

reign
of
Elizabeth
I
that
the
English
defeated
the
Spanish

Armada.
Her
reign
was
also
notable
for
the
fl
ourishing
of

drama,
with
the
most
famous
playwright
of
the
era
being,

of
course,
William
Shakespeare.

With
a
lot
of
help
from
the
weather.

62

You
won’t
find
it
in
any
history
books
–
including
this
one
–

but
Queen
Elizabeth
was
actually
married.
I
know,
because

she
was
married
to
me.
She
wasn’t
too
happy
that
I
sort
of

disappeared
–
dematerialised,
you
might
say
–
straight
after

the
ceremony.
In
fact,
when
she
saw
me
again
many
years
later

at
the
Globe
Theatre,
she
tried
to
have
me
executed.
I
found

it
all
rather

confusing
as
I

hadn’t
actually

met
her
yet,

but
that’s
time

travel
for
you.

We
got
married
by
accident,
really.
I
only
proposed
to
her

because
I
thought
she
was
a
Zygon
in
disguise.
Actually,

I’m
not
sure
that
makes
it
sound
any
better,
does
it?

63

WILLIAM

SHAKESPEARE

ILLIAM
SHAKESPEARE
is
often
described
as
the

world’s
greatest
playwright,
and
his
plays
have

been
translated
into
every
major
language.
He
was
born

in
Stratford-upon-Avon
in
1564.
Some
time
after
1585,
he

moved
to
London,
where
he
started
a
career
as
actor,
poet

and
playwright.

The
less
said
about
his
acting

abilities,
the
better.

W

64

Not
just
in
your
little
world
–
I
reckon
he
might
be
the
greatest
playwright
in
the
universe.

He
really
was
a
rubbish
actor.

I
mean
awful.
Terrible.

Pants.
‘Stick
to
the
writing,’

I
told
him.
But
he
kept
on

trying.
Never
got
any
better.

Good
job
he
was
OK
with
a

quill
pen
–
though
he
did
like

mixed
metaphors,
but
then

no
one’s
perfect.

He
liked
sonnets
too.
Sprained
his
wrist
writing
too

many
sonnets,
so
I
had
to
write
for
him.
He
dictated

his
new
play
and
I
wrote
it
down
–
making
a
few
helpful

suggestions
along
the
way,
of
course.
The
play
was
called

‘Hamlet’.
It
turned
out
quite
well
in
the
end.

His
stories
weren’t
always

original,
though,
I
have
to

say.
He
wasn’t
worried

where
he
got
his
inspiration.

Like
using
Sycorax
as
the

name
of
a
witch
after
he

heard
me
say
it.
‘All
the

world’s
a
stage’
–
that

was
one
of
mine
too.

65

Most
of
Shakespeare’s
work,
and
certainly
his
best-known

plays
and
poems,
date
from
the
period
between
1589

and
1613.

Little
is
known
by
you,
maybe.

For
all
his
plays,
however,
little
is
known
about
the
man

himself.
He
married
Anne
Hathaway
in
1582
and
they

had
three
children;
Susanna
was
born
soon
after
they

married,
with
twins
Judith
and
Hamnet
born
in
1585.

Shakespeare’s
only
son,
Hamnet,
died
aged
just
eleven.

And
the
world
almost
died
with
him,
or
soon
after
.
.
.

66

I
met
Shakespeare
for
the
first
time
in
1596,
when
I

took
Martha
to
see
one
of
his
plays.
It
was
soon
after

his
son
Hamnet’s
death.
Even
in
grief,
Shakespeare’s
words

were
so
powerful
they
freed
the
Carrionites,
and
his
grief

meant
they
could
twist
his
emotions
to
suit
their
needs.

The
Carrionites
are
a
nasty
lot,
if
you
don’t
know
them

(and
I
guess
you
probably
don’t).
Got
banished
by
the

Eternals
to
the
Deep
Darkness.

Anyway,
three
of
them

reckoned
they
could
use

Shakespeare’s
words

to
create
a
‘spell’
that

would
release
the
other

Carrionites
from
the

Deep
Darkness.
It
almost

worked
too,
but
we
changed

the
ending
of
the
play

they
were
using
–
‘Love’s

Labour’s
Won’,
it
was
called.

No
copies
survived,
which
is

probably
a
good
thing.

67

THE
DECLINE
OF
THE

ENGLISH
NOBILITY

Y
THE
MID-SEVENTEENTH
CENTURY
AD,
the

nobility
of
England
were
slowly
beginning
to
lose
their

political
power
and
infl
uence.
However,
many
of
these

lords
and
ladies
remained
prominent
members
of
their

local
communities.

B

I
met
a
few
of
this
lot
–
the
nobility,
I
mean.
Lady

Peinforte
is
the
most
memorable.
Lived
in
Windsor
–
she
was

a
real
pillar
of
the
community.
Though
it
was
a
bit
suspect

how
people
she
didn’t
like
tended
to
end
up
dead.

In
1638
a
rumour
went
round
that
a
star
had
fallen
from

the
sky
into
Lady
Peinforte’s
garden,
and
then
returned
to

the
heavens
again.
Actually
it
was
a
piece
of
validium.

68

Nasty
piece
of
work,
Lady
Peinforte.

I
managed
to
shoot
it
off
into

space,
but
unfortunately
it

fell
back
to
Earth
in
1988
–

which
is
where
Lady
Peinforte

went.
She
had
a
mathematician

work
out
when
it
would

return,
then
killed
him
and

used
his
blood
as
part
of
a

‘spell’
to
travel
through
time

to
reclaim
her
statue.
She

wasn’t
the
only
one
after
it,

though
–
there
were
also

neo-Nazis,
Cybermen,
and
me.

It
got
quite
crowded.

69

The
validium
that
fell

into
her
garden
should

never
have
left
Gallifrey.

Validium
is
a
living
metal

and
highly
destructive.

Lady
Peinforte
made
it

into
a
statue
of
herself

(yes,
she
was
that
vain).

THE
ENGLISH

CIVIL
WAR

Who
had
one
ofthe
most
ridiculouslittlebear

HERE
WAS
CONSIDERABLE
tension
between
King

Charles
I
and
Parliament
for
a
long
time
before
the

English
Civil
War
actually
started.
This
culminated
in
King

Charles
sending
soldiers
to
the
House
of
Commons
in
an

attempt
to
arrest
fi
ve
members
of
Parliament
in
January

1642.
But
the
members
had
been
warned
of
the
danger

and
were
no
longer
there.

T

70

When
it
began,
the
war
was
not
a
continuous
series
of

battles,
but
rather
sporadic,
as
were
most
wars
of
the

period.
In
fact,
there
were
only
three
major
battles
in
the

English
Civil
War:
the
battles
of
Edgehill
in
1642,
Marston

Moor
in
1644,
and
Naseby
in
1645.

Still
a
pretty
unpleasant
time,
though.

sd

I

t

h

i

n

k

I

’

v

e

e
en
on
a
king.

ever

s

Not
sure
I’ve
ever
been
to
the
Civil
War.
Maybe
I
have
.
.
.

it’s
so
difficult
to
keep
track
of
these
things.
I
did
go
to
a

re-enactment
once.
That
was
in
Little
Hodcombe,
where
there

was
a
battle
in
1643;
the
negative
emotions
generated
by
the

fighting
then
had
woken
the
Malus,
a
living
war
machine
sent
in

a
probe
from
the
planet
Harkol.
After
that,
the
Malus
stayed

a
probe
from
the
planet
Harkol.
After
that,
the
Malus
stayed

and
it
tried
to
make
them
truly
fight
and
kill
each
other.

dormant
until
1984,
when
the
villagers
re-enacted
the
battle

When
I
stopped
that
from
happening
the
Malus
destroyed

itself
–
and
the
church
where
it
was
hidden.
Which
was
a

pity,
really.
It
was
actually
a
very
nice
church.

71

THE
AGE
OF
THE

HIGHWAYMAN

H

IGHWAYMEN
WERE
ROBBERS
who
stole
from

travellers.

In

Britain,
highwaymen
were

active

from
Elizabethan
times
right
through
until
the
early

nineteenth
century.

The
most
famous
highwayman
was
Dick
Turpin.
The

best-known
story
about
Dick
Turpin
tells
of
his
rapid
200-

mile
ride
from
London
to
York
on
his
horse
Black
Bess
–

who
died
from
exhaustion
–
in
order
to
establish
an
alibi.

This
same
story
was
also
told
about
another
highwayman

called
John
Nevison.

72

More
famous
than
the
Knightmare?

Why
did
they

wear
masks?

I
mean,
unless
you
were
going

to
be
robbing
your
friends

and
family
you
weren’t
likely

to
be
recognised.
It’s
just

being
pretentious.

He
didn’t
do
it
either.

it
would
have
been
even
quicker
by
TARDIS.

Never
mind
Dick
Turpin.
What
about
the

Knightmare?
Or
even
Sam
Swift
the

Quick,
come
to
that?

The
Knightmare
was
a
proper

highwayman.
Or
rather

highwaywoman
because
she
was

actually
Ashildr,
the
Viking
girl

I
brought
back
to
life
and
who

couldn’t
die.
She
was
doing
all

the
robbing
just
to
keep
herself

from
getting
bored.
Well,
I

know
how
that
works.
Not
the

robbing,
but
the
boredom.

She
did
a
lot
to
deal
with
the
boredom,
Ashildr.
Disguised

herself
as
a
man
and
fought
at
the
Battle
of
Agincourt,
for

example.
Founded
a
leper
colony.
She
was
even
a
queen
for
a
while.

Sam
Swift
the
Quick,
on
the

other
hand,
was
just
a
bloke.

Chatty
and
witty,
I
suppose.

If
you
like
that
sort
of
thing.

And
the
Knightmare
apparently

had
an
accomplice
called
the
Doctor.

73

Strange,
eh?

THE
PLAGUE
AND

THE
GREAT
FIRE

OF
LONDON

T

HE
GREAT
FIRE
OF
LONDON
started
in
a
baker’s

shop
on
Pudding
Lane
just
after
midnight
on
Sunday

2
September
1666.
It
raged
for
three
days,
destroying
most

of
the
medieval
city
of
London.

Well,
it
stopped
the
Terileptils
wiping
out
the

human
race.
I’d
say
that
was
a
good
thing
too.

One
good
thing
that
did
come
of
the
fi
re
was
that
it
all
but

halted
the
spread
of
bubonic
plague,
commonly
known
as

the
Black
Death,
within
the
city.
The
plague
was
spread
by

fl
eas
living
on
rats,
and
the
fi
re
destroyed
the
slums
where

the
rats
lived.

74

I
remember
it
well.

I
guess
I
should
take
some
of
the
blame,
as
it
was
my
burning
torch

that
started
the
fire.
Not
really
my
fault,
though,
as
a
Terileptil

knocked
it
into
some
straw.
(The
Terileptils
were
a
group
of

criminals
who
had
escaped
from
the
tinclavic
mines
on
Raaga.)

But
this
book’s
right
about
one

thing:
the
Great
Fire
did
stop

the
plague.
We
threw
the
adapted

bubonic-plague
samples
into
the

fire.
Killed
it
all
off.
Killed
the

Terileptils
too,
but
that
was

their
own
fault.

Here’s
what
happened
in
simple
terms.

Criminal
Terileptils

crash-landed

on
Earth.

Terileptils
decided

to
wipe
out
the

human
race
and
take

over
the
planet.

Fire

started.

75

Terileptils

modified
bubonic

plague
so
it
was

much
more
lethal.

Terileptils
attacked

Doctor,
who
dropped

burning
torch
in
straw.

Doctor
traced
Terileptils
to

base
in
Pudding
Lane
in
London.

Terileptils’
soliton

gas
machine

exploded.

Things
just
got
worse

from
there,
really.

THE
DISAPPEARANCE

OF
CAPTAIN
AVERY

roesense
if
you
mentioned
that
he
used
the
alias
B

H

ENRY
AVERY
briefl
y
served
in
the
Royal
Navy

before
becoming
a
pirate.
Known
as
the
Arch
Pirate

or
the
King
of
Pirates,
and
Long
Ben
to
his
crew,
he
enjoyed

a
short
but
prosperous
career
as
a
pirate
from
1694
until

1696.

What
happened
to
Avery
after
1696
is
unknown
–
he

simply
disappeared.
It
is
suggested
that
he
changed

his
name
and
lived
quietly
either
in
Britain
or
the
tropics.

He
was
one
of
the
few
pirate
captains
to
evade
capture

and
retire
with
his
loot
intact.

76

He
went
a
bit
further

than
that!

e

e

m

That’s
pretty
much
true.

ni

Bridgem

m

d

Whic

l

an.

h
wou

m

m

a

a

k

e

n

j

When
I
met
him,
Avery
was
having
a
bit

of
trouble
with
what
he
thought
was

a
siren.
This
ethereal
figure
appeared

whenever
one
of
his
crew

was
injured
and
whisked

them
away.

But
she
wasn’t
a
siren
at
all.
She

was
a
holographic
medical
interface

–
like
a
sort
of
doctor
–
from
a

Skerth
spaceship.
She
was
taking

away
anyone
on
Avery’s
ship
who

was
injured
to
cure
them
on
the

Skerth
spaceship
–
including

Avery’s
son,
Toby,
who
had

typhoid
fever.
But
the
cure

only
worked
so
long
as
they

were
on
board
the
Skerth

ship,
so
Avery
stayed
with

his
son,
sailing
through
the

stars.
A
bit
different

from
the
ocean,
but
I

think
he
enjoyed
it.

77

THE
HUNT
FOR

AVERY’S
TREASURE

H

ENRY
AVERY’S

capture
of
the

Mughal
ship
the

Ganj-i-Sawai
has

been
hailed
as

piracy’s
greatest

exploit.
The
East

India
Company

estimated
the
goods

on
board
the
ship
to
be

worth
approximately
$200

million
in
today’s
money,

while
others
estimate
the

value
as
being
closer
to

$400
million.

Some
suggest
that
Avery
was
cheated
out
of
his
wealth

when
trying
to
sell
diamonds
to
merchants
in
Bristol
and

that
he
died
in
poverty.
But,
whatever
really
happened
to

Avery,
his
treasure
has
never
been
found.

78

Obviously
not.

Not
strictly
true.

Well
he
didn’t
take
all
of
his
treasure
off
into
space.

‘This
is
Deadman’s
secret
key,
Ringwood,
Smallbeer,
Gurney.’

That’s
what
I
was
told
by
the
churchwarden
in
a
village

in
Cornwall
–
just
before
he
was
murdered
by
pirates.
The

rhyme
was
a
clue
to
where
Avery’s
treasure
was
hidden.

The
names
were
members
of
Avery’s
crew
and
appeared

on
tombstones
in
the
crypt.
And
the
flagstone
at
the

intersection
of
the
names
covered
the
treasure
–
which
the

pirates
forced
me
to
tell
them.
Not
that
I
hung
around

to
see
how
much
was
there.
The
revenue
men
turned
up
to

arrest
the
pirates,
so
I
left
them
all
to
fight
it
out.

79

THE
JACOBITE

REBELLION
AND

BATTLE
OF
CULLODEN

C

r

ULLODEN
IN
THE
SCOTTISH
HIGHLANDS
was

the
site
of
the
fi
nal
battle
of
the
Jacobite
Rebellion

that
started
in
1745.
The
Battle
of
Culloden
was
the
last

pitched
battle
to
be
fought
on
British
soil.

ttl
e’.
UNIT
would
tell
you
oth
e
r
w
ise
–C

b

t

b

e

y

The
battle
was
a
decisive
victory
for
the
British
government

forces,
and
the
rebellion
subsequently
collapsed.
Charles

Stuart,
who
had
led
the
rebels,
fl
ed
fi
rst
to
the
Hebrides,

pursued
by
the
British,
who
put
a
reward
of
£30,000

(approximately
£15
million
in
today’s
money)
on
his

head.
He
eventually
managed
to
escape
to
France,
and

never
set
foot
in
Scotland
again.

80

a

a

d

Probably
a
wise
move.

l

Sontarans
.
.
.

Depend
w

w

h

y

at

b

a

s

e

e

s
,

s

n

n

you
mean

‘

D

p

i

,

t

n

c

e

e

h

m

e

a

k

o

,
A

s

x

x

I
have
to
confess
that
I
missed
the
Battle
of
Culloden.

Turned
up
too
late,
when
it
was
pretty
much
all
over.

It
was
still
a
dangerous
time,
though.
I
met
some
fleeing

rebels
and
we
got
captured
by
the
British
Redcoats.
They

were
going
to
ship
us
off
to
the
West
Indies
and
sell
us
as

slaves.
We
managed
to
escape
in
the
end,
and
we
helped
the

defeated
rebels
we’d
met
to
get
safely
to
France.

All
except
one
of
them,
that
is.

James
Robert
McCrimmon
joined

us
in
the
TARDIS,
and

travelled
with
me
for

a
long
time
–
right

up
until
the
Time

Lords
caught

up
with
me,

exiled
me
to

Earth,
and
sent

Jamie
home.

81

LOUIS
XV
AND

MADAME
DE

POMPADOUR

L

OUIS
XV
OF
FRANCE

became
king
in
1715
at

the
age
of
fi
ve
and
reigned

until
his
death
in

1774.
Most
historians

believe
that
Louis
XV

damaged
France’s

power
and
discredited

the
monarchy;
the

French
Revolution

took
place
just
fi
fteen

years
after
his
death.

Well,
he
did
give
away

the
Austrian
Netherlands

and
New
France
in

America.
Which
was

generous
of
him.

The
king’s
most
famous
mistress,
and
his
confi
dante,
was

Madame
de
Pompadour.
She
was
born
Jeanne-Antoinette

Poisson
on
29
December
1721.
At
the
age
of
nine,
her

mother
took
her
to
a
fortune
teller,
who
supposedly
told

the
girl
that
one
day
she
would
become
the
mistress
of
a

king.
It
was
true
–
she
met
Louis
XV
at
a
masked
ball
in

1745,
and
soon
became
the
king’s
mistress.

82

It
wasn’t
me.
Honest.

I
did
meet
Louis
XV.
He
seemed
a

nice
enough
chap,
if
a
bit
drippy.

Met
Madame
de
Pompadour

(or
Reinette,
as
she
was

known)
a
load
of
times,

and
she
was
much
more

interesting.
Actress,

artist,
musician,

dancer,
courtesan.

She
was
a
fantastic

gardener.
(And
a

good
kisser
too.)

Though,
I
have
to
confess,
I
was
a
bit
distracted
by

trying
to
stop
a
load
of
clockwork
robots
from
killing
her

and
taking
her
head.
It
was
all
a
bit
complicated,
so
I’m

going
to
need
some
more
space
to
explain.
Sticky
tape
and

paper
to
the
rescue
once
again
.
.
.

83

Madame
de

Pompadour

and
the

Clockwork

Robots

Well,
it
started
when
we
arrived
on
a
spaceship.
Nothing
too

unusual
about
that,
you
might
think.
But
this
ship
had
a
problem,

and
the
repair
robots
were
trying
to
fix
it.
They
worked
by

clockwork,
but
they
had
clockwork
brains
too,
which
meant
they

thought
that
they
could
use
bits
of
the
crew
as
replacement

parts.
Which
is
rather
unpleasant.

They’d
opened
time
windows
along
Reinette’s

life
because
they
wanted
to
match
her

age
with
the
ship’s
age.
More
warped

thinking
–
they
reckoned
that
because

the
ship
was
called
Madame
de
Pompadour

they
could
use
Reinette’s
brain
to

replace
the
ship’s
main
computer.

Well,
no
one
said
clockwork
robots

are
clever,
but
as
plans
go,

that
is
just
plain
bonkers.

84

I
went
through
the
time
windows
and
got
to
meet
Madame

de
Pompadour.
She
thought
I
was
an
angel,
which
is
maybe
a

bit
of
an
exaggeration.
Anyway,
I
met
her
quite
a
few
times

in
the
end.
The
last
time,
I
arrived
through
a
mirror
at

Versailles.
On
a
horse
called
Arthur.
Right
through
the
mirror.

Very
dramatic.
Saved
Reinette
from
the
robots,
sorted
out

the
problem,
then
went
back
for
her.

85

Except
the
time
windows

weren’t
very
stable
and

sadly
I
arrived
after

she’d
died.
So
young
–

even
for
a
human.

A
great
loss.

THE
FRENCH

REVOLUTION
AND
THE

REIGN
OF
TERROR

HE
FRENCH

REVOLUTION

began
in
France
in

1789.
Arguably
one

of
the
most
important

events
in
history,
it

created
social
and

political
upheaval

inspired
by
liberal

and
radical
ideals.

The
monarchy
was

overthrown,
and

a
Republic
was

established,
which

ultimately
led
to
the

rise
of
Napoleon.

T

I
told
him
an
army

marches
on
its

stomach,
and
he

gave
me
a
bottle

of
wine.

With
the
execution
of
King
Louis
XVI
in
January
1793,
the

political
landscape
of
France
changed
forever.
Following

the
king’s
execution,
the
revolutionaries
guillotined

suspected
enemies
of
the
state
in
their
thousands,
during

a
period
known
as
the
Reign
of
Terror.

86

and
unpleasant

A
good
name
for
it.

Very
apt.

The
French
Revolution
and
the
years
afterwards
used
to

be
my
favourite
period
of
history.
But
that
was
because

of
the
importance
of
the
events
–
the
events
themselves

were
rather
unpleasant.

I’ve
not
been
to
the
revolution,

but
I
was
stuck
in
France
for
a

bit
during
the
Reign
of
Terror,

just
before
Robespierre
was

executed
in
1794.
I
ended
up

visiting
Robespierre
with
a

chap
called
James
Stirling,

who
turned
out
to
be
an

English
spy.

It
all
got
rather
complicated
and

I
had
to
break
my
friends

Ian
and
Barbara
and
my

granddaughter
Susan
out

of
prison
before
they
got

their
heads
chopped
off.

87

THE
INDUSTRIAL

REVOLUTION

S

TARTING
IN
THE
LATE
eighteenth
century,
the

Industrial
Revolution
saw
a
move
from
small-scale

manufacturing
often
done
in
people’s
homes
to
large-

scale
factories,
complete
with
specially
built
machinery

that
enabled
mass
production.

The
invention
of
steam-powered
machinery
also
led
to
the

development
of
the
railways.
George
Stephenson,
born
in

1781,
was
known
as
‘the
father
of
the
railway’
because

of
his
involvement
in
the
design
and
manufacture
of

early
steam
locomotives.
His
son
Robert
was
also
heavily

involved
in
the
development
of
the
railways.

88

He
was
an
engineer
and
did
loads
of
other
stuff.

Didn’t
build
his
first
locomotive
until
1814.

Not
that
this
improved
everyone’s
lives.
Factory
work
could
be
tough.

A
formative
and
important
time
in
human
development.

That’s
why
both
the
Rani
and
the
Master
turned
up
when

I
visited
the
village
of
Killingworth
during
the
early
days
of

the
Industrial
Revolution.

The
Rani
was
stealing
a
fluid
from

the
brains
of
the
workers
that

they
needed
to
make
them
sleep;

as
a
side
effect,
her
victims
ended

up
restless
and
violent.
Not
good.

Stephenson,
meanwhile,
was

planning
on
getting

all
the
major

thinkers
of

the
time
together.

The
Master
wanted
to
use
the

meeting
to
push
forward
human

progress.
Not
for
your
benefit,

of
course.
It
was
so
he
could
use

your
planet
as
a
power
base.

I
managed
to
stop
both
the
Rani
and
the
Master,

though
they
got
away.
But
I
sabotaged
the
Rani’s

TARDIS,
so
I
don’t
think
they
got
very
far.

89

Life
in
Victorian
London

THE
WORKHOUSE

T

back
to
the
Poor
Relief
Act
in
1601,
which
created

a
national
poor-law
system
for
England
and
Wales.

can
be
traced

HE
ORIGINS
OF
WORKHOUSES

By
the
nineteenth
century,
however,
the
old
system
of

caring
for
the
poor
needed
overhauling.
In
1834
the
Poor

Law
Amendment
Act
was
passed,
and
meant
that
anyone

without
a
job
or
home
had
to
live
in
a
workhouse.
The

theory
was
that
by
working
for
their
accommodation

people
would
learn
to
support
themselves.

90

And,
as
usual,
the
theory
goes
out
of
the
window

when
you
pudding-brained
humans
get
hold
of
it.

It
certainly
did.
I’m
surprised
it
took
people
so
long
to
realise
that.

Never
had
much
to
do
with
workhouses.
Can’t
say

I
fancy
the
idea
of
visiting
one.
Certainly
wouldn’t

want
to
live
in
one.
Would
you?

I
did
meet
the
matron
of

St
Joseph’s
Workhouse.

That
was
in
1851.

Miss
Hartigan,
she

was
called.
Not
a
very

pleasant
lady.
Really,
it

was
hardly
a
surprise

that
she
turned
out

to
be
working
for
the

Cybermen
–
she

was
supplying
them
with
children

from
the
workhouses,
who
the

Cybermen
then
set
to
work

generating
the
electricity

needed
to
raise
a
huge

CyberKing
they
had
hidden

under
the
River
Thames.

The
Cybermen
betrayed
her,

of
course.
I
could
have
told

her
that
would
happen.

91

As
well
as
poor
adults,
the
workhouses
were
also
home

to
the
sick
and
disabled,
the
elderly,
and
orphaned
or

abandoned
children.

You
can
say
that
again.

The
workhouses
were
deliberately
designed
to
be

unpleasant,
to
dissuade
people
from
going
to
them
for
an

easy
life.
The
work
was
hard,
the
food
was
tasteless,
and

everyone
had
to
wear
a
uniform.
Children
were
often
sent

out
to
work
in
factories.

Or,
as
I
mentioned,
to
create
power
for
a

huge
CyberKing
hidden
under
the
Thames.

92

Please,
sir.
I

want
some
more.

Can’t
think
why
–
the
food
was
revolting.

Thomas
Barnardo
had
the

right
idea:
he
started
setting

up
proper
children’s
homes
in

1867.
He
was
a
doctor,
of

course.
Doctors
always
have

the
best
ideas.

Speaking
of
doctors,
I
met
another
Doctor
when
I
had

to
deal
with
the
CyberKing.
I
thought
he
was
another

version
of
me
–
a
later
incarnation.
I
mean,
he
had
a
sonic

screwdriver
and
a
TARDIS
and
everything.

But
his
screwdriver
was

just
an
ordinary
screwdriver,

and
his
TARDIS
turned

out
to
be
a
hot-air
balloon.

His
name
was
Jackson
Lake,

and
he’d
been
brainwashed
by

an
infostamp
on
which
the

Cybermen
had
stored
all
their

information
about
me
–
so,

for
a
while,
he
thought
he

was
me.
Nice
chap.
He
was
a

big
help,
and
he
invited
me
to

Christmas
dinner
too.

93

CHARLES
DICKENS

C

HARLES
DICKENS
is
often
said
to
be
the
greatest

English
novelist
of
the
Victorian
era.
In
addition
to

fi
fteen
novels
and
fi
ve
novellas,
he
wrote
hundreds
of
short

stories
and
articles.
Well
over
a
century
since
his
death,

Dickens’s
works
remain
incredibly
popular
the
world
over,

and
many
of
his
books
have
never
been
out
of
print.

I’m
a
fan.
Love
his
stuff.
Could
read
it
for
hours.

94

Everyone
knows
‘A
Christmas
Carol’,

but
‘The
Signal-Man’
is
my
favourite.

He’ll
be
popular
for
a
good

while
yet,
believe
me
.
.
.

I
only
met
Charles
Dickens
once,
near
the
end
of
his
life
–
though

he
didn’t
know
that,
of
course.
And
I
didn’t
tell
him.

It
was
in
Cardiff.
I
was
aiming
for
Naples,
so
that

was
a
disappointment.
I
was
about
ten
years
off
as

well,
but
that’s
hardly
worth
mentioning.

Dickens
was
in
Cardiff
to
give
a
reading
of
‘A
Christmas

Carol’.
It
was
Christmas,
which
I
suppose
was
appropriate,

only
it
didn’t
go
quite
as
planned,

because
some
real
ghosts

turned
up.
Well,
not

ghosts
exactly,
but

an
animated
corpse.

Pretty
unsettling

at
the
best
of

times,
never
mind

in
a
crowded

theatre
.
.
.

95

Hmm,
this

probably
needs

a
bit
more

explanation.

Where’s
that

sticky
tape?

Charles
Dickens
and
the
Gelth

He
was
rather
close-minded
for
a
novelist,
Dickens
–
sceptical

about
anything
spiritualist
or
supernatural.
So
he
got
a
bit
of
a

shock
when
some
walking
corpses
turned

up.
They
were
actually
the
Gelth
–

sort
of
ectoplasmic,
ethereal

wraith
creatures
–
who
had

possessed
and
reanimated

the
dead
bodies
at
a

funeral
parlour.
A
bit

gruesome,
but
there
you

go.
It
takes
all
sorts.

96

They
claimed
they’d
come

from
another
dimension

after
losing
their
bodies

in
the
Great
Time
War.
But

they
lied
about
a
lot
of

other
things,
so
I’m
not

convinced
that
was
true.

They
were
planning
to

invade
Earth,
kill
everyone

and
then
possess
the

bodies
of
the
dead.
Not

really
an
option.

So
I
blew
them
up,
with
a

bit
of
help
from
a
psychic

lady
called
Gwyneth,
who

was
possessed
by
the

Gelth
and
gave
her
life
to

destroy
them.
Brave
lady.

Charles
Dickens
believed
in
ghosts
after
that.
A
bit,
anyway.

97

THE
AMERICAN

WILD
WEST

HE
WILD
WEST
as
it
is
depicted
in
fi
lms
and
other

fi
ction
is
very
different
from
the
reality
of
the
time.
Life

in
the
frontier
towns
that
sprung
up
as
European
settlers

spread
across
North
America
was
not
as
exciting
–
or
as

violent
–
as
is
often
portrayed.

T

rfeal
life
isn’t
e
x
c
i
t
i
n

n

Honestly.

.

Each
town
had
a
sheriff
to
keep
the
peace
and
enforce

the
law.
Marshals
were
appointed
at
government
level
by

the
US
Marshals
Service.
I
was
a
US
Marshal
once.
Though

more
by
accident
than
appointment.

98

Boring
tex

o

t

b

o

k

.

A

s

i

g

I
became
a
US
Marshal

in
a
town
called
Mercy

in
Nevada.
It
was

about
1870
.
.
.

I
think.
Maybe
I

should
have
asked.

Didn’t
seem
important

at
the
time
–
there

were
bigger
problems.

The
marshal
got
shot

by
an
alien
cyborg

killer,
and
when
he
died

he
gave
me
his
badge.
So

I
took
over.
Made
Amy

and
Rory
deputies,
and

off
we
went.

Well,
we
didn’t
go
anywhere,
actually
–
we
stayed
to

sort
out
the
mess.
It
turned
out
to
be
quite
a
big

mess.
A
very
messy
big
mess.
There
was
this
guy
called

Kahler-Jex,
who
had
arrived
from
space
and
given
the

town
electric
lighting
before
it
had
even
been
invented.

He
was
being
hunted
by
a
cyborg
gunslinger.

I’ll
need
more
space
for
this
too.

See
you
on
the
next
page
.
.
.

99

Right
then,
here
we
are.
Kahler-Jex,
scientist
and
doctor,

turned
lots
of
his
own
people
into
cyborg
killers
to
fight
in
some

war
or
other.
A
cyborg
is
someone
who’s
been
enhanced
–
so
to

speak
–
with
electronic
and
mechanical
bits
and
pieces.
So
it’s

like
they’re
part
way
to
becoming
Cybermen.
Not
nice,
basically.

I
wouldn’t
recommend
it
to
anyone.

Anyway,
one
of
these
cyborg
killers
called

Kahler-Tek
wanted
revenge
for

what
had
been
done
to
him,
which

is
hardly
surprising.
Ingenious

lot,
the
Kahler
–
I
quite
like

them,
usually.
Not
so
much
when

they’re
turning
people
into

killing
machines.

100

So
Kahler-Jex
fled
to

Earth
and
ended
up
in
a
Wild

West
town
called
Mercy,

and
Kahler-Tek
came

after
him.

It
sort
of
turned

out
all
right
in
the

end.
Well,
not
for

Kahler-Jex
–
he

blew
himself
up
to

save
the
town.

Difficult
to
be

too
sympathetic

all
the
same,

after
what

he’d
done.
Kahler-Tek
–
or
the
Gunslinger,
as
he
came
to

be
known
–
stayed
on
to
protect
Mercy.
I
guess
he
had

nothing
much
else
to
do.
He
became
the
town’s
very
own

protecting
angel.
An
angel
who
fell
from
the
stars
.
.
.

101

GUNFIGHT
AT

THE
O.K.
CORRAL

T

HE
GUNFIGHT
AT
THE
O.K.
CORRAL
became

the
most
famous
shoot-out
in
the
history
of
the
Wild

West.
It
took
place
in
the
town
of
Tombstone,
Arizona,

on
the
afternoon
of
26
October
1881.
The
gunfi
ght
was

the
culmination
of
a

long-running
feud

between
the
Clanton

family
and
their
allies

and
the
town’s
marshal,

Virgil
Earp,
his
brothers,

Morgan
and

Wyatt,
and

their
friends.

The
gunfi
ght
lasted

just
thirty
seconds.

I
don’t
remember

anyone
actually

timing
it.
But
it

didn’t
last
long,

that’s
true.

102

Except
the
shoot-out
didn’t
take
place
anywhere
near
the
O.K.
Corral.

I
don’t
know
–
you
lot
couldn’t
even
get
the
name
of
the
film
right!

I
was
there.
Saw
it
all.
Not
pleasant,

but
then
gunfights
aren’t
really.

I
was
looking
for
a
dentist
–

I
had
toothache
after
eating

some
sweets
I’d
got
from

the
Celestial
Toymaker
(long

story).
Luckily
–
or
so
I

thought
–
I
found
Doc
Holliday.

He
had
a
huge
model
tooth

hanging
outside
his
clinic.

A
bit
of
a
clue
that
it
might

be
a
good
place
to
ask
for
help.

What
he
didn’t
have
was
much

experience
–
I
was
his
first

patient.
He
didn’t
have
any

anaesthetic
either
–
he
did

offer
me
whisky
or
a
knock

on
the
head
with
his
six-

shooter,
though.
I
declined.

I
thought
the
toothache

was
preferable.

So
anyway,
yes.
I
was
there.
With
toothache.

103

THE
MYSTERY

OF
THE
MARY

CELESTE

s

s

nie
b

nsulted,
whoeve
r
s
h
e

I

ix

e

N
NOVEMBER
1872,
the
merchant
ship
Mary
Celeste

(sometimes
wrongly
referred
to
as
the
Marie
Celeste)

left
New
York
for
Genoa,
but
she
never
arrived.
The
ship

was
discovered
a
month
later
off
the
Azores
Islands
in
the

Atlantic
Ocean.

was.
Ifsheevr

e

Although
the
Mary
Celeste
was
seaworthy,
there
was
no

sign
of
the
crew.
The
ship
was
well
provisioned,
and
the

captain
and
crew’s
belongings
were
still
there.

104

What
happened
to
those
on
board
remains
one
of
the

most
enduring
mysteries
of
the
sea.

Not
to
those
of
us
who
were
there.

,y

I

d

e

l

Notby
me
it
is

e

on’tthink
she
did
.
.
.

n’t.
The

C

ary

real
M

M

l

l

t

s

a

e

w

o

u

l

.

d

d

e

t

A

c

t

u

OK,
I’ll
own
up.
It
was
my
fault.
Sort
of.
A
bit.
I
suppose.

We
were
being
chased
by
the
Daleks,
who
had
their
own

time-and-space
machine.
Not
as
good
as
the
TARDIS,

of
course,
but
we
had
some
narrow
escapes
–
including
on

board
the
Mary
Celeste.
Here’s
what
happened.

TARDIS
landed
on

Mary
Celeste.

Dalek
Time
Ship
landed

on
Mary
Celeste.

105

Daleks
disembarked

and
searched
ship,

looking
for
us.

Crew
saw
Daleks
and

got
frightened.
Not

surprising,
really.

Crew
jumped
overboard
to

avoid
Daleks.
A
reasonable

reaction,
though
drowning’s

probably
not
much
better

than
being
exterminated.

I
didn’t
work
out
what

was
going
on
until

we’d
left,
and
by
then

it
was
too
late
for
me

to
help.
So,
my
fault.

Sort
of.
A
bit.

QUEEN
VICTORIA

B

ORN
IN
1819,
Victoria
became
Queen
of
England

in
1837,
when
she
was
just
eighteen.
In
1840,
Queen

Victoria
married
her
cousin
Prince
Albert
of
Saxe-Coburg

and
Gotha.
They
had
nine
children
together,
who
married

into
royal
and
noble
families
across
Europe,
before
Albert

in
1837,
when
she
was
just
eighteen.
In
1840,
Queen

died
in
1861.

Victoria
never
got
over
it.
He
was
a
good
chap,
Albert.

Arise,

Sir

Doctor.

Victoria’s
reign
spanned
sixty-three
years
and
saw

great
change.
The
British
Empire
was
greatly
expanded,

and
overall
it
was
a
period
of
industrialisation
and

scientifi
c
advancement.

106

And
she
set
up
Torchwood.
Though
I
suppose

this
history
book
wouldn’t
know
about
that.

She
knighted
me,
Queen
Victoria.
About
time
too!

Richard
the
Lionheart
knighted
my
friend
Ian

Chesterton
but
not
me.
Queen
Victoria
also
made
Rose

a
dame.
Sir
Doctor
of
TARDIS
and

Dame
Rose
of
the
Powell
Estate.

Good,
eh?

Not
so
good
that
she
then
banished
us,
though.
She

thought
I
was
steeped
in
terror,
blasphemy
and
death.

Well,
she
may
have
been
right,
but
that’s
hardly
my
fault.

I
don’t
go
looking
for
trouble
–
not
often,
anyway.

Generally,
it
comes
looking
for
me.

Like
the
werewolf
that
attacked
us.
That’s
what
Victoria

was
really
cross
about,
though
why
she
blamed
me
and
Rose

for
it
I
don’t
know.
We’re
the
ones
who
saved
her.

107

OK,
so
here’s
basically
what
happened

1540:
Something
fell
to
Earth
and
landed

close
to
a
monastery
in
Scotland.

Maybe
it
was
the

spore
of
a
virus
–
who

knows?
–
but
it
grew
and

adapted
and
evolved
.
.
.

.
.
.
until
it
could

take
over
a
human

host
and
live

inside
them.

It
drew
off
local
folklore
and
mapped
itself
on
to

the
legend
of
the
werewolf,
turning
into
a
hideous

wolf
when
the
moon
was
full.

Victoria
stayed
at
Sir
Robert

MacLeish’s
house,
Torchwood.

108

1879:
Rose
and
I
met
Queen
Victoria.

But
Sir
Robert’s
wife
was
being
held
by
warrior

monks
from
the
monastery.

The
monks
planned
to
infect

Queen
Victoria
with
a
bite

from
a
werewolf
so
she

would
become
the
host.

Luckily,
Prince
Albert

knew
all
about
the

werewolf.
He
and
Sir

Robert
MacLeish’s
father

devised
a
plan
to
kill
it
–

although
they
never
got

the
chance.

I
did,
though.
I
used
the

Koh-i-Noor
diamond,
which

Albert
had
cut
to
exactly

the
right
shape,
and
a
huge

telescope
MacLeish
had

built
to
amplify
the
light

of
the
moon.

Drowned
the
werewolf
in
moonlight.
Clever,
eh?

109

h–elpedwhen
I
h
ad
a
spotofbotherw

THE
AGE
OF

RAILWAY

T

HE
FIRST
STEAM
ENGINE
–
Locomotion
No.
1
–

ran
on
the
Stockton
and
Darlington
Railway,
which

was
offi
cially
opened
in
1825.

Before
long,
railways
were
the
preferred
method
of
long-

distance
travel.
Trains
offered
speed
and
comfort
that

other
transport
could
not.
In
1883,
when
most
travel
was

still
uncomfortable
and
occasionally
dangerous,
the
Orient

Express
began
operating,
and
offered
an
unprecedented

level
of
luxury
and
comfort.

Not
sure
I’ve
been
on
the
Orient
Express.

Not
the
one
that
runs
on
rails,
anyway.

110

Rani.

Builtby
Ro

o

his
dad,
Geor

r

g

t

t

h

e

bert
Stephenson.
I
knew

.

e

a

a

n

d

C

r

l

e

e

a

v

e

r

t

t

c

h

h
ti

p
a

h

e

M

s

t

Railways
–
I
love
them.

Steam
trains
are
the
best.
Obviously.

As
a
boy
I
always
wanted
to
drive
a
steam
train
–
as
soon

as
I
knew
what
a
steam
train
was,
that
is.
We
didn’t
have

them
on
Gallifrey.
A
shame.
I
think
we
missed
out.

I
may
not
have
been
on
the
Orient
Express
in
Europe,
but

I’ve
been
on
the
other
one
–
the
one
in
space,
in
the
future.

That
one
travels
between
planets.
Not
that
I
had
much

time
to
enjoy
it
when
Clara
and
I
were
on
board.
People
kept

dying,
which
rather
got
in
the
way

of
having
a
good
time.
More
about

that
over
the
page
.
.
.

111

The
Foretold
was
a
legend,
a
mythical
creature
that
appeared

to
the
people
it
was
going
to
kill
exactly
sixty-six
seconds

before
they
died.
Except,
it
wasn’t
just
a
legend;
it
was
real.

Here’s
roughly
how
it
worked:

10
seconds:

Pretty
soon

the
victim

sees
the

Foretold.

15
seconds:

It
doesn’t
take

the
victim
long

to
realise

something’s

wrong.

20
seconds:

Other
people
soon
work

out
there’s
something

weird
going
on.

30
seconds:

It’s
generally

40
seconds:

The
victim
realises

that
you
can
run

but
you
can’t
hide.

50
seconds:

The
victim
is

seriously
frightened

by
now.
Terrified.

60
seconds:

They’re
running

out
of
time
.
.
.

66
seconds:
The
victim
is

killed
by
the
Foretold.

112

about
now
that

the
victim

realises
no

one
else

can
see
the

Foretold.

0
seconds:

The
Foretold

brings
its
victim

into
same
time

phase
as
itself.

I
saw
the
Foretold.
But
I
didn’t
die
–
obviously,

or
I
wouldn’t
be
writing
this.

I
worked
out
that,
while

the
Foretold
looked
like
a

rotting
ancient
Egyptian

mummy,
he
was
actually

a
soldier.
All
the

technology
implanted

in
him
was
keeping
him

going,
and
he
thought

he
was
still
fighting

his
war.
His
camouflage

systems
made
him

invisible,
and
he
only

appeared
to
the
people

he
was
about
to
kill

as
he
brought
them

into
phase
with
himself.

Once
I
knew
what
was
going
on,
it
was
easy
enough
to

sort
things
out.
I
surrendered,
and
he
thought
the
war

was
over
and
died.
Which
I
suspect
was
as
much
of
a
relief

to
him
as
it
was
to
me.

113

JACK
THE
RIPPER

J

ACK
THE
RIPPER
is
the
name
given
to
an

unidentifi
ed
serial
killer
generally
believed
to
have

been
responsible
for
murdering
and
mutilating
the

bodies
of
fi
ve
women
in
London
between
August

and
November
1888.
Due
to
similarities
seen

in
other
murders
of
the
time,
it’s
believed

that
he
may
also
have
killed
others.

The
fact
that
internal

organs
were
removed
from

several
victims
has
led
to

speculation
that
Jack

the
Ripper
may
have

had
some
medical

knowledge.

The
murders
were

never
solved,
and

nobody
knows
why

Jack
the
Ripper

stopped
killing.

114

Or
perhaps
some

people
do
.
.
.

This
is
just
a

guess.
You
lot

have
no
idea

what
he
really

looked
like.

More
than
likely,
I’m
afraid.

I’ve
no
idea
who
Jack
the

Ripper
really
was,
I’m
afraid.

Maybe
I
should
pop
back

and
find
out.
Or
I
could
ask

Madame
Vastra.
I
don’t

know
if
she
got
his
name,

but
the
reason
the
murders

stopped
was
because
she

found
him
and
ate
him.
Well,

that’s
what
she
told
me.

Stringy
but
tasty,
she
said.

I’ll
take
her
word
for
it.

There
were
rumours
that
Jack

the
Ripper
had
started
work

again
a
few
years
later.
But

that
was
Magnus
Greel
–
a

war
criminal
from
the
fifty-

first
century.
He
had
to

re-energise
himself
with

organic
distillations
taken

from
young
women.
Not

pleasant,
as
the
process

killed
them.
Killed
Greel

in
the
end
as
well.

115

VINCENT
VAN

GOGH

HE
DUTCH
PAINTER
Vincent
van
Gogh
was
born

in
1853,
and
his
work
is
widely
considered
to
have

had
an
extensive
infl
uence
on
twentieth-century
art.

He
was
certainly
one
of
the
greatest

artists.
And
good
company
too.

T

Although
van
Gogh
did
not
start
painting
until
he
was

in
his
late
twenties,
he
produced
over
2,000
paintings,

sketches
and
drawings
in
the
last
ten
years
of
his
life.
He

suffered
from
anxiety
and
depression,
and
in
July
1890,
at

the
age
of
thirty-seven,
he
committed
suicide.

116

He
couldn’t
work
when
he
was
depressed
–
which,
of

course,
depressed
him
even
more.
A
terrible,
tragic
thing.

When
I
met
Vincent
he
seemed
so
full
of
life,
even
though

he
was
nearing
the
end
of
it.
But
he
thought
he’d
be

forgotten
and
that
his
paintings
would
amount
to

nothing
much
at
all.
Amy
and
I
took
him
to
the
Musée

D’Orsay
in
Paris
to
show
him
an
exhibition
of
his
work

so
that
he
would
see
how
wrong
he
was.
I
think
he

appreciated
it.
Amy
hoped
it
would

change
him,
break
him
out
of

his
depression,
but
time

and
history
don’t
work

like
that,
I’m
afraid.

117

Oh
yes,
one
other
thing:
the
Krafayis.

There
was
a
Krafayis
loose
in
France,
and
only
van
Gogh

could
see
it.
He
painted
it
into
the
window
of
The
Church
at

Auvers
–
I
had
spotted
it
there,
and
that’s
why
I
went

back
to
see
Vincent.
They’re
hunters,
the
Krafayis.
And

they’re
invisible
to
most
of
their
victims.
Van
Gogh
could
see

it
simply
because
he
saw
the

world
a
bit
differently
from

most
people.
You
can
tell

that
from
his
paintings.

He
was
also
ginger.

Maybe
that’s
why

he
and
Amy
got
on
so
well.
Two

gingers.
I’ve
never
been
ginger.

Some
people
have
all
the
luck.

118

Anyway,
the
Krafayis
killed

a
few
people
in
the
area

before
I
got
there.
I
had
a

plan
to
stun
the
creature

with
crosactic
energy,
and

we
cornered
it
inside
the

church.
It
was
a
good
plan.
Very

clever.
Very
cunning.
Except
things

didn’t
work
out
quite
as

expected,
and
Vincent
ended

up
accidentally
stabbing
the

thing
with
his
easel.

119

Good
man,

Vincent.

Great
artist.

A
tragic
loss.

THE
LATE

VICTORIAN
AGE

HE
LATE
VICTORIAN
period
in
Great
Britain

was
dominated
by
two
prime
ministers:
William

Gladstone
and
Benjamin
Disraeli.

Though
the
term
‘prime
minister’
wasn’t
used

then.
Or,
if
it
was,
it
was
a
bit
of
an
insult.

T

William
Gladstone

Benjamin
Disraeli

The
British
Empire
was
expanding
and
the
prevailing

feeling
was
that
an
expansion
of
British
control
around

the
globe
was
good
for
everyone.
The
Industrial
Revolution

had
led
to
people
migrating
from
the
country
to
the
towns

and
cities.

I’m
sure
it
was
good
for
some

people.
But
not
for
everyone.

120

I
seem
to
have
spent
a
lot
of
time
in
the
late
Victorian
period.

Not
sure
why,
just
the
way
things
work
out.

One
of
the
times
I
ended
up
there,

I
met
a
version
of
Clara
Oswald

who
was
working
in
a
tavern

and
as
a
governess.
The
Great

Intelligence
was
just
getting

started
and
was
bringing
snowmen

to
life,
creating
people
out
of
ice.

That
Clara
died,
poor
thing.

All
the
Claras
seem
to
die
.
.
.

I’ve
made
a
lot
of
friends
in

the
Victorian
period
too.
Like

Henry
Gordon
Jago,
the
owner

of
the
Palace
Theatre.
And

Professor
George
Litefoot,

a
pathologist.
And
of
course

Madame
Vastra,
Jenny
and

Strax
–
spent
a
lot
of
time

with
them.
Hang
on,
I’ll
stick

in
another
page
.
.
.

121

the
paternoster
gang

Madame
Vastra
is
a
Silurian
–
or
Homo

reptilia,
if
you
prefer.
She
was
woken
from
hibernation

when
they
were
digging
the
tunnels
for
the
London

Underground.
She
managed
to
fit
in
to
human
society

quite
well,
though
obviously
she
wore
a
veil
most
of

the
time.
A
green
reptilian
face
does
tend
to
attract

attention
–
or
so
I’m
told.

122

Technically,
they’re
not
a
gang
as
such,
but
I
think
of
them

as
the
Paternoster
Gang
because
they
live
on
Paternoster

Row
in
London.
Or
they
did,
back
in
late
Victorian
times.

Jenny
Flint

is
Vastra’s
maid.

They’re
also
married.

Jenny’s
a
nice
girl,
and

good
in
a
fight.
So
just

step
back
and
let
her

get
on
with
it.

And
then
there’s

Strax.
He’s
a

Sontaran.
He’s
also
a

nurse
–
I
know,
weird.

It
was
a
sort
of
penance.

Anyway,
he’s
finished

the
nursing
bit
now
and

works
as
Madame
Vastra’s

manservant.
Or
Sontaran-

servant.
Or
something.

They’re
a
good
lot,
the
Paternoster
Gang.
They
helped

me
with
the
Great
Intelligence,
a
nasty
prehistoric

slug,
a
big
dinosaur,
homicidal
clockwork
robots,
and

even
some
headless
monks.

123

THE
RISE
OF
THE

‘MODEL
VILLAGE’

‘M

Not
a
miniature
one,
as
you
might
think.

ODEL
VILLAGE’
was
a
term
used
in
the

Victorian
era
to
mean
an
ideal
community.
Model

villages
were
initially
created
in
the
eighteenth
century
by

the
landed
gentry
to
provide
good
housing
for
the
workers

on
their
estates,
and
also
to
ensure
that
workers’
cottages

would
no
longer
spoil
views
of
the
landscape.

Yes,
well,
I
bet
that
was
the
main
reason.

124

They
could
have
given
us
a
few
examples
of
model
villages
–
like

Bournville,
or
Port
Sunlight,
or
Blaise
Hamlet.

Not
surprised
they
didn’t

mention
Sweetville,
though.

That
didn’t
work
out
at
all

well.
Sweetville
was
founded

by
Winifred
Gillyflower
in

Yorkshire
in
1893,
and
was

supposed
to
be
the
perfect

community.
Mrs
Gillyflower

only
wanted
‘perfect
’

people
to
live
in
her
perfect

community.
But
no
one
who

went
there
ever
seemed

to
have
any
contact
with

anyone
outside
Sweetville

ever
again
.
.
.

I
went
there.
Got
into
a
bit
of
trouble
and
had
to
be

rescued
by
Clara
and
the
Paternoster
Gang.
We
found
out

what
was
really
going
on,
and
it
was,
er
.
.
.
too
complicated

to
fit
in
this
space.
Never
mind,
I’ll
just
stick
over
a
couple

more
pages.
You
won’t
miss
them.

125

Ah,
that’s
better.
Where
had
I
got
to?
Oh,
yes.
We
found
out

that
Mrs
Gillyflower
had
built

Sweetville
as
a
safe
haven

for
her
perfect
people

to
survive
the
coming

apocalypse.
Trouble

was,
the
apocalypse

was
coming
because

she
was
going
to

bring
it
about,

along
with
her

business
partner,

Mr
Sweet.

126

Mr
Sweet
wasn’t
really
a

business
partner
so
much

as
a
parasitic
prehistoric

red
leech
creature

thing
clamped
on
to
Mrs

Gillyflower’s
chest.
They’d

built
a
rocket
that
would
explode

and
spread
poisonous
venom
from

the
red
leech,
killing
everyone

outside
Sweetville.
Then
Mrs

Gillyflower
would
be
able
to

repopulate
the
world
with

her
perfect
people.
I
guess

she
thought
it
was
a
good

idea.
It
wasn’t.

She
did
actually
launch
her
rocket,
but
Madame
Vastra
and

Jenny
Flint
had
taken
out
the
poison,
so
no
harm
done
–

well,
not
as
much
as
would
have
been.

127

THE
FANG
ROCK

LIGHTHOUSE

MYSTERY

tthatIwasthere
for
both
?

c

HE
MYSTERY
OF
FANG
ROCK
is
almost
as

notorious
as
that
of
the
Mary
Celeste,
and
there
are

distinct
similarities.

T

Fang
Rock
is
a
tiny
island
off
the
south
coast
of
England.

In
the
early
twentieth
century,
the
only
structure
there
was

a
lighthouse.
One
day
the
lighthouse
crew
disappeared.

Evidence
was
found
of
a
recently
wrecked
ship,
which

was
thought
to
have
belonged
to
Lord
Palmerdale,
but
of

the
ship’s
crew
and
the
three
lighthouse
keepers
there
was

no
sign.

It
did
belong
to
Lord
Palmerdale.

128

You

k

m

i

e

l

an

e

t

h

e

f

a

I
always
hope
that
everybody
lives.
But
sometimes,
even

when
I
do
everything
I
can,
everybody
dies.
Fang
Rock
was

one
of
those
‘everybody
dies’
situations.

And
not
just
the

lighthouse
keepers.
There

was
Lord
Palmerdale
and

his
secretary,
Adelaide

Lessage,
and
his
friend

Colonel
Skinsale,
and
Harker,

one
of
the
crew
of
his

wrecked
ship.

The
ship
was
wrecked
in
the
fog
because
the
lighthouse
light

wasn’t
working.
And
it
wasn’t
working
because
a
Rutan
was

draining
the
electrical
power.
Nasty
lot,
the
Rutans.
Like
big

green
jellyfish
with
tentacles.
Sworn
enemies
of
the
Sontarans,

they
can
kill
you
with
an
electric
shock
–
and
they
will.

129

h

e
lighthouse
keeper
did
keep
going
on

The
legend
of
the
beast
of
Fang
Rock
provides
one

The
legend
of
the
beast
of
Fang
Rock
provides
one

explanation
for
what
happened.
The
legend
tells
of
a

hideous
creature
that
emerged
from
the
sea
in
the
1820s

and
killed
two
of
the
lighthouse
keepers,
driving
the
other

The
legend
of
the
beast
of
Fang
Rock
provides
one

a

a

bu

u

one
mad
with
fear.

A
Rutan
is
certainly

blobby
with
tentacles,

but
it
isn’t
that
big.

And
it’s
green.

t

Descriptions
of
the
beast
are
varied
and
inconsistent.

Stories
of
sea
monsters
have
existed
throughout
history

and,
despite
the
lack
of
evidence,
many
choose
to
explain

the
mystery
of
Fang
Rock
as
the
work
of
such
a
creature.

130

The
Rutans
evolved
in
the
sea,

so
they
aren’t
far
off.

O

l

d

n

n

R

e

t

u

b

e

e

n

a

t

t

o

b

a

s

,

w
you
mention
it.

o

The
beast
was
a
Rutan
scout,

sent
to
make
a
survey
of
your

planet.
The
Rutans
were

thinking
of
invading
Earth,
as
it

was
in
a
strategically
important

position
for
their
war
with
the

Sontarans
at
the
time.
Which

was
going
badly.

It
took
me
a
while
to

work
out
that
it
was

a
Rutan
causing
the

trouble.
It
could
change

shape
and
imitate
the

lighthouse
crew,
which

didn’t
make
things
easy.

I
eventually
managed
to

kill
it
–
but
not
before
it

killed
everyone
besides
me

and
Leela.

Then
we
had
to
deal
with
the
Rutan
spaceship,
which
was
full

of
lots
more
of
the
nasty,
blobby,
murderous
green
creatures.

Fun
day.
We
were
heading
for
Brighton,
which
wouldn’t
have

been
half
as
dangerous.

131

BRITISH
EDUCATION

IN
THE
EARLY

TWENTIETH
CENTURY

I

N
THE
LATE
NINETEENTH
CENTURY,

public

schools
in
England
were
regulated
by
the
Public
Schools

Act
of
1868.
They
were
defi
ned
as
schools
that
were

open
to
anyone
from
anywhere
in
the
country
who
paid

the
fees.

So
not
just
anyone
–
only
those
with
money.

The
1902
Education
Act
overhauled
the
education

system
of
England
and
Wales,
establishing
Local
Education

Authorities
which
funded
the
state-run
schools
and

those
affi
liated
to
the
Church
of
England
and
the

Catholic
Church.

132

My
career
in
education

1913:
History
Teacher,

Farringham
School
for
Boys.
I

became
a
human
called
John
Smith
to

hide
from
the
Family
of
Blood.
Happy

times.
But
all
things
come
to
an
end
.
.
.

1963:
I
was
nearly
offered

the
caretaker’s
job
at
Coal
Hill

School,
but
the
headmaster

thought
I
was
overqualified.

He
was
working
for
the

Daleks,
though,
so
I
wouldn’t

trust
his
judgement.

2007:
Teacher,
Deffry
Vale

School.
I
replaced
a
teacher
who’d

won
the
lottery.
I
posted
the

winning
ticket
through
her

door
–
I
needed
the
job
to

deal
with
the
Krillitanes.

2014:
Caretaker,
Coal
Hill

School.
I
got
the
job
this

time.
But
that
was
to
sort

out
a
Skovox
Blitzer
that

was
running
loose.

133

WORLD
WAR
I

A

LSO
KNOWN
AS
THE
GREAT
WAR,
World

War
I
was
one
of
the
deadliest
confl
icts
in
history,

and
lasted
from
1914
to
1918.
It
is
estimated
that
nine

million
soldiers
and
seven
million
civilians
were
killed.

a
sad
day.
franz
and
sophie
were
very
much
in
love.

The
confl
ict
was
sparked
by
the
assassination
of
the

Austrian
Archduke
Franz
Ferdinand
and
his
wife,
Sophie,

in
Bosnia
on
28
June
1914.
The
complex
arrangement

of
political
and
military
alliances
within
Europe
meant

that,
as
a
result
of
this
relatively
minor
event,
war

became
inevitable.

134

That’s
‘great’
in
the
sense
of
‘big’,
of
course.
There
was
nothing
else
great
about
it.

I
once
thought
I’d
arrived
in
World
War
I,
but
it
turned

out
I
hadn’t.
It
was
a
war
zone
set
up
by
aliens
who

had
kidnapped
and
brainwashed
soldiers
from
throughout

your
history.
The
aliens
let
the
soldiers
think
they
were

still
in
the
wars
they
had
been
fighting
on
Earth.
Then
the

aliens
were
going
to
take
the
best
soldiers
and
create
a

huge
army
to
conquer
the
galaxy.
Or
something.

I
realised
there
was
something
wrong
when
we
wandered

away
from
World
War
I
and
got
chased
by
Roman
soldiers.

I
had
to
ask
the
Time
Lords

for
help
getting
everyone
home.

That’s
when
they
exiled
me

to
Earth.
Oh,
don’t
get
me

wrong
–
I
love
your
planet.

But
I’d
rather
not
be
stuck

here
forever
like
you
lot
are
.
.
.

135

BRITISH
SOCIETY

BETWEEN
THE
WARS

There’s
always
upheaval
and
change.
Trust
me.

HE
PERIOD
BETWEEN
THE
WORLD
WARS,

from
1918
to
1939,
was
one
of
upheaval
and
change

in
Britain.
The
coal,
textile
and
ship-building
industries

were
already
in
decline,
and
steam
power
was
being

replaced
by
electricity.

Having
worked
on
the
land
and
in
factories
during

the
war,
women
began
to
take
a
more
prominent
role
in

society
and
were
fi
nally
given
the
vote

in
England.
New
leisure

activities
emerged

with
the
arrival
of

the
wireless,
fi
lm

and
jazz.

About
time
too.

T

136

You
lot
tend
to
remember

this
period
as
all
gloom
and

melancholy.
The
General
Strike

and
the
Wall
Street
Crash

and
the
Depression
and
blah

blah
blah.
But
it
wasn’t
all

like
that.
Most
people
were

better
off.
And
there
was

cricket
and
dancing.

I
played
cricket
with
the

Cranleighs
some
time
in
the

1920s.
We
also
had
a
party

and
a
dance.
OK,
there
was

a
murder
too,
and
a
secret

brother
who’d
been
hidden

away
in
the
attic
when
he

lost
his
mind
and
was
horribly

scarred
while
searching
for

the
fabled
black
orchid.

It
made
for
an
interesting

weekend.
A
bit
like
the
time

period
really
–
some
good

things,
and
some
not
so
good.

137

THE
SS
BERNICE

O

N
2
JUNE
1926,
the
cargo
ship
SS
Bernice
set
sail

for
Bombay.
What
happened
after
that
is
a
mystery.

While
it
seems
that
the
ship
did
eventually
arrive
in

Bombay,
some
accounts
suggest
it
was
never
seen
again.

The
reason
for
this
confusion
is
unclear.
Stranger
still,

there
are
reports
of
the
ship
making
subsequent
voyages,

and
Major
Daly
and
his
daughter
Claire,
who
were

passengers
on
the
journey,
are
known
to
have
spent
time

in
India
after
1926.

Which
is
very
nearly
what
happened.

138

Not
to
me,
it
isn’t.

I
think
time
has
got
confused.
The
SS

Bernice
did
disappear
without
a
trace,
but

then
it
didn’t.
Something
like
this.

SS
Bernice
set
sail
for
Bombay.

SS
Bernice
was
taken
away,

shrunk
and
put
inside
a

Miniscope
(which
is
like

an
entertainment
system

where
you
can
watch
what’s

happening
in
miniaturised

environments
that
actually

exist
inside
the
machine).

My
TARDIS
landed
inside
the
Miniscope.

I
escaped
from
the
Miniscope

and
politely
pointed
out
that

they
are
now
illegal.

I
shut
down
the

Miniscope
and
sent
all

the
‘specimens’
that
were

inside
it
home
again.

SS
Bernice
reappeared
where
it
had
been.

So
it
never
vanished
at
all
–
or,
at
least,

it
did
but
then
it
didn’t.

139

Simple.

AGATHA
CHRISTIE

CCORDING
TO

A

A

l’eh
S

still
be
re
a
d
i
n
t
h
e

Guinness
World
Records,
Agatha

illion.

Christie
is
the
bestselling
novelist
of
all
time;
over

two
billion
of
her
books
have
been
sold
to
date.
Although

she
also
wrote
several
romantic
novels
(under
the
name

she
also
wrote
several
romantic
novels
(under
the
name

Mary
Westmacott),
she
is
best
known
for
her
mystery

novels,
short
stories
and
plays.
She
was
born
in
England

in
Torquay,
Devon,
in
1890
and
died
in
1976
at
the
age
of

eighty-fi
ve.

Over
eightyofthem.
She

w

a

w

140

r

w

ri

t

t

s

And
that’s
just

r

e

o

n
y

o

erthan
Shakespeare
–
in
h
i
f

d

e

u

q

p

c

h

l

m

a

n

a

e

t

.

year5b

s

u

ui

k

c

e

n

c

e

,

t

h

o

u

g

h,
he
did
have
to
use
a
quill.

I
met
Agatha
in
1926,
at
Eddison
Manor.
Nice
couple,
the

Eddisons,
though
a
bit
old-fashioned.
Well,
it
was
1926,
so

I
suppose
I
should
make
allowances
.
.
.

Agatha
went
missing
for
ten
days

in
that
year.
She
was
with
me.

Sort
of.
I
dropped
her
off
at
a
hotel

in
Harrogate
ten
days
after
leaving

Eddison
Manor.
She
lost
her
memory

when
a
psychic
link
was
broken
between

her
and
a
Vespiform
(like
a
giant
alien

wasp,
though
this
particular
one

was
disguised
as
a
vicar).

141

It
got
a
bit
complicated.

People
died.
But
with

Agatha’s
help
I
worked
it
all

out.
She
was
clever
–
a
much

better
writer
than
she
ever

gave
herself
credit
for.

THE
WALL
STREET

CRASH
AND
ITS

CONSEQUENCES

T

HE
1920s
were
a
time
of
wealth

and
excess
in
the
USA
–
until
the

Wall
Street
Crash.
In
October
1929,
the

United
States’
stock
market
suffered

its
worst
crash
in
history.
The
Great

Depression
that
followed
lasted
for
the

next
ten
years.

It
ended
with

the
Second

World
War,

though
that

was
hardly
an

improvement.

142

I
was
in
New
York
soon
after
the

Wall
Street
Crash.
Not
a
happy
time

for
most
people.
There
were
shanty

towns
all
over
America
where
homeless

people
went
to
live
in
makeshift
houses

and
tents.
The
shanty
towns
were
all

nicknamed
Hooverville
after
Herbert

Hoover,
who
was
the
US
President

from
1929
to
1933.

There
was
even
a
shanty
town
in
the
middle
of
Central

Park.
A
lot
of
good
people
ended
up
there,
through
no

fault
of
their
own.
Some
of
them
died
when
the
place
was

attacked
by
the
Daleks.
But
that
gets
a
bit
complicated,

so
I’ll
need
more
space
.
.
.

143

Daleks
in
Manhattan!

Let’s
try
to
keep
this
simple
.
.
.

The
Cult
of
Skaro
was
a

group
of
four
special
Daleks

who
hid
in
the
void
between

universes
until
the
Great

Time
War
between
the
Daleks

and
the
Time
Lords
was

over.
They
even
had
names:

Sec,
Jast,
Thay
and
Caan.

I
thought
I’d
sorted
them
out
at
the
Battle
of
Canary

Wharf
a
few
years
ago
(in
your
timeline),
but
they
escaped

to
New
York
in
1930.

They
had
this
crazy
idea
to
mix

Daleks
and
humans
to
create

a
new,
improved
Dalek
race.
So

they
made
some
people
think

they
were
Daleks,
and
turned

others
into
Pig
Slaves.
Human

pigs.
Bizarre
and
sad.

144

Even
worse
was
when
their

leader,
Dalek
Sec,
combined

itself
with
a
human
being
and

became
half
human,
half
Dalek.

They
were
based
under

the
Empire
State

Building,
which
was
being

constructed
at
the

time.
It
all
got

a
bit
messy.

Dalek
Sec
was
destroyed
by
the
other
Daleks
when
he
became

too
human.
But
then
they
got
destroyed
by
the
humans
who

had
been
made
to
think
they
were
Daleks,
because
deep
down

those
people
were
still
human.

All
except
one
of
them,

that
is.
Dalek
Caan

escaped.
Went
back
into

the
Time
War
and
rescued

Davros.
So
that
wasn’t

an
especially
good

outcome,
really.

145

THE
RISE
OF

ADOLF
HITLER

T

HE
GREAT

DEPRESSION
hit

Germany
hard,
and
this

contributed
to
the
rise
of
the

Nazi
party.
Unemployment

reached
6
million
and
the

government
seemed
unable

to
cope;
anger,
bitterness

and
resentment
grew.

The
leader
of
the
Nazi
party,
Adolf
Hitler,
had
been

imprisoned
after
leading
an
attempt
to
seize
power
from

the
government
in
1923.
Just
ten
years
later,
in
January

1933,
Hitler
was
appointed
Chancellor
of
Germany.
He

immediately
set
about
making
himself
the
absolute
ruler

of
Germany.

That
was
the
head
of
the
German
government.

146

I’ve
met
Hitler.
Not
a
nice
man.

But
I’m
sure
you
know
that.

I
accidentally
saved
his
life
in
1938.
The
Justice

Department
had
sent
a
Teselecta
robot
back
through
time

to
execute
Hitler
for
his
crimes.

The
TARDIS
knocked
the

Teselecta
over.
Not
a

great
landing
–
we

came
in
through

the
window.
But

I
was
being
held

at
gunpoint
by
a

girl
called
Mels,

who
turned
out
to

be
River
Song.

Long
story.

Anyway,
Hitler
shot
Mels

and
she
regenerated
into

River
Song
and
tried
to
kill

me.
Rory
punched
Hitler
and

stuck
him
in
a
cupboard,
which

I
think
we
can
all
agree
was

the
best
place
for
him.

147

LONDON
IN

THE
BLITZ

HE
SUSTAINED
AND
STRATEGIC
BOMBING
of

the
United
Kingdom
by
Nazi
Germany,
which
became

known
as
the
Blitz,
began
on
7
September
1940
and
did

not
end
until
21
May
1941.
The
worst
raid
of
London

was
on
the
night
of
Sunday
29
December
1940,
when
the

German
attack
caused
a
fi
restorm
that
has
been
called
the

Second
Great
Fire
of
London.

The
effects
of
the
Blitz
were
devastating.
Over
40,000

civilians
were
killed,
and
whole
areas
of
London

were
decimated.

148

T

Paternoster
Row
was
destroyed
that
night.
It
was
the
centre
of
the
publishing

industry
by
then,
but
I
had
friends
living
there
fifty
years
earlier
.
.
.

A
terrible
time,
but
the
Blitz
did
bring
people

together.
Hardened
the
spirit.
At
the
same
time,

the
German
war
machine
was
rolling
across
the
map
of

Europe
–
country
after
country,
falling
like
dominoes.

It
seemed
like
nothing
could
stop
it.
Nothing.

Then
this
tiny,
damp

little
island
says,
‘No.

Not
here.’
A
mouse
in

front
of
a
lion,
I
think

was
how
I
described

it.
When
I
was
there

during
the
Blitz,
I

told
a
girl
called
Nancy,

‘You’re
amazing,
the

lot
of
you.
Don’t
know

what
you
do
to
Hitler,

but
you
frighten
the

hell
out
of
me.’

149

But
then
Hitler
didn’t
know
how

it
was
going
to
end.
And
I
did.

I
was
following
a
Chula
spaceship
that
crashed
in
London

during
the
Blitz.
Turned
out
it
wasn’t
an
accident;
it

was
a
con
by
Captain
Jack
Harkness.
Pretty
typical
of
him.

Except
the
Chula
ship
he’d
used
was
a
medical
ship
full
of

nanogenes
–
tiny
particles
that
repair
injured
soldiers.

Jack
hadn’t
planned
for
that.

150

So
these
nanogenes
found
a
boy
who
had
been
killed
in
an
air

raid
and
they
repaired
him.
Except,
being
alien
nanogenes,

they
didn’t
know
what
humans
were

like
–
they
assumed
his
gas

mask
was
actually
part
of

him.
So
everyone
else

they
repaired
got

a
gas
mask
fused

to
their
face
too.

The
poor
kid
was

frightened
and

only
wanted
to

find
his
mummy.

Well,
I
found
his
mummy
for
him.
Once
I
did,
the
nanogenes

worked
out
they’d
got
it
all
a
bit
wrong
and
that
his
mum
was

what
a
human
normally
looked
like.
So
they
re-repaired
everyone,

and
they
did
it
properly
this
time.
Off
with
the
gas
masks
and

back
with
the
real
faces.
I
like
a
happy
ending.
Or
as
happy
as

you
can
get
in
the
middle
of
something
like
the
Blitz
.
.
.

151

CRACKING
THE

GERMAN
CODES

V

ITAL
TO
THE
ALLIED
WAR
EFFORT
in
World

War
II
was
the
work
of
the
Government
Code
and

Cypher
School
at
Bletchley
Park
in
Buckinghamshire.

Here,
teams
of
code-breakers
cracked
the
Enigma
and

Lorenz
cyphers
used
by
German
forces
to
communicate.

They’ve
built
Milton
Keynes
there
now
.
.
.

The
Germans
never
realised
that
their
codes
had
been

broken.
Some
historians
estimate
that
the
work
done
at

Bletchley
Park
shortened
the
war
by
as
much
as
four
years.

152

It’s
a
weird
building,
Bletchley
Park.
Distinctive,
though.
Look,
here’s
a
picture.

Unfortunately
it
was
also
where
something
else
ended
up:

an
elemental
force
of
evil,
born
out
of
the
creation
of
the

universe
itself.
So
it
all
got
a
bit
hairy.

Decoding
is
fun,
if
you
like
solving
problems,
which
seems
to
be

what
I
spend
most
of
my
time
doing.
So
I’m
going
to
tell
you

the
name
of
the
elemental
force
of
evil
.
.
.
in
code.
See
if
you

can
work
it
out.
Ready?
The
name
is:

6
5
14
18
9
3

153

I
visited
another
secret

decoding
centre
–
a
military

base
in
Northumberland.

That’s
where
Dr
Judson
had

invented
his
Ultima
Machine

to
decode
German
messages.

Answer:FENRIC.
So
you
figured
out
that
each
number
corresponds
to
a

letter
of
the
alphabet,
starting
with
1
for
the
letter
A,
2
for
B,
and
so
on
in

sequence
right
up
to
26
for
Z?
Not
bad
for
a
human!

THE
ROYAL
AIR

FORCE
AND
BOMBER

COMMAND

HE
BOMBER
FORCES
of
the
Royal
Air
Force
(RAF)

in
the
United
Kingdom
were
controlled
by
Bomber

Command
from
1936
up
until
1968.
From
1942,
Bomber

Command
played
a
key
role
in
the
strategic
bombing
of

Germany
during
World
War
II,
working
alongside
the
US

Air
Force.

However,
bombing
from
high
altitude
tended
to
be

inaccurate,
and
the
effectiveness
of
the
bomber
forces
was

generally
overestimated.

Though
the
bombing
was
still
deadly
and
horrific.

154

T

On
Christmas
Eve
1938,

I
fell
out
of
a
spaceship.

True
story.
Luckily
I
was

wearing
a
spacesuit.
I
fell

all
the
way
to
Earth,
and

was
rescued
by
a
nice
lady

called
Madge.

Three
years
later,
Madge’s

husband,
Reg
–
a
bomber

pilot
–
was
lost
on
a
raid,

presumed
dead.
Madge
took

her
children
to
Dorset
for

Christmas,
and
I
became

caretaker
at
their
house

so
I
could
make
it
the

best
Christmas
ever.

There
was
some
trouble
with
a
gateway
to
another

world
and
an
intelligent
forest,
though.
Madge
rescued
a

king
and
queen
made
of
wood,
piloting
their
ship
into
the

time
vortex
for
them
by
thinking
of
her
home.
And
her

husband,
Reg
–
she
thought
about
him
too.
Her
love
for

him
was
so
great
that
it
drew
his
plane
into
the
time

vortex
and
led
Reg
and
his
aircraft
back
home.
Which
was
a

surprise.
And
probably
the
best
Christmas
present
ever.

155

BRITISH
SECRET

WEAPONS
OF

WORLD
WAR
II

URING
WORLD
WAR
II,
both
sides
developed
ever

more
powerful
weapons,
with
the
most
devastating

being
the
atomic
bomb,
the
invention
of
which
changed

the
world
forever.
But
defensive
technology
was
also

developed.
Radar,
or
RDF
(Radio
Direction
Finding),
helped

Britain
to
win
the
air
war.
Other
projects
remain
secret

even
to
this
day.
There
is
mention
in
declassifi
ed
British

fi
les
of
the
Ironside
Project,
for
example,
but
nowhere
is

there
any
explanation
of
what
this
project
entailed.

Just
as
well.

D

156

Sometimes
it’s
a
shame
that
things
can’t
be
un-invented.

The
clever
thing
was
the
way
the
British
incorporated

radar
into
their
national
air-defence
systems.
They
also

had
great
big
microphones
set
up
on
the
coast
which
could

hear
incoming
planes.
Crude,
but
clever.
War
is
terrible,

but
good
ideas
come
out
of
it
as
well
as
bad
ones.

Now,
the
Ironsides
–
they
were
a
very
different

proposition.
They
weren’t
really
a
British
invention

at
all,
though
Churchill
thought
they
were.

They
had
him
worried
though,
so

I
guess
that’s
why
he
called

me
in.
Turn
the
page

and
I’ll
explain
.
.
.

157

The
Ironside
Project

Professor
Bracewell
claimed
to
have
developed
the

Ironsides.
I
think
he
really
believed
he
had
developed

them,
but
I
knew
he
was
wrong.

Bracewell
was
a
robot,
and

the
Ironsides
were
actually

Daleks.
Unsurprisingly,
they

made
impressive
weapons.

That’s
pretty
much
what

Daleks
are,
after
all:
a

weaponised
life
form.

Anyway,
the
whole
thing
was

a
trap
for
me.
The
Daleks

needed
me
there
to
say
that

they
were
Daleks.
It
wasn’t

just
vanity
–
a
Progenitor

device
they’d
found
left
over

from
the
Time
War
didn’t

recognise
them
for
what
they

really
were.
But,
with
my

testimony,
the
Progenitor

accepted
them
as
Daleks
and

created
a
new
race
of
them
–

the
New
Dalek
Paradigm.

158

I
was
lucky
to
get
off
the

Dalek
spaceship
in
one
piece.

I
had
a
bit
of
help
from
a

jammy
dodger,
and
from
some

Spitfires
that
Bracewell
had

modified
so
they
could
go
into
space.

The
Daleks
survived.
And
that’s

the
trouble,
really
–
the

Daleks
always
survive.

159

THE
CORONATION
OF

QUEEN
ELIZABETH
II

Q

Q

UEEN
ELIZABETH
II
ACCEDED

to
the
throne

following
the
death
of
her
father,
King
George
VI,

on
6
February
1952.
Her
coronation
took
place
over
a

year
later,
on
2
June
1953
at
Westminster
Abbey.
For

the
fi
rst
time
the

ceremony
–
with

the
exception
of

the
anointing

and
communion

–
was
televised.

160

The
biggest

television

event
ever
at

the
time
–

which
was

why
the

Wire
aimed

to
exploit
it.

I
missed
seeing
the
coronation
on
telly,
though

nearly
twenty
million
people
in
Britain
watched
it,

apparently.
Anyone
with
a
television
had
a
lot
of

visitors
that
day!
I
must
pop
back
and
see
it.

I
was
a
bit
distracted

when
I
was
there.
Rose

had
had
her
face
stolen,
and

I
was
stuck
halfway
up

the
television
transmitter

tower
at
Alexandra
Palace

in
Muswell
Hill
in
London.

Not
somewhere
I’d
usually

choose
to
be,
I
should
tell

you.
But
I
was
trying

to
stop
an
alien
life

form
that
fed
on
the

electrical
activity

in
people’s
brains.

Oh,
there’s
no
room
here.
Let
me
get
the
sticky
tape
again
.
.
.

161

The
alien
life
form
was
called
the
Wire,
which
is
a
bit

unimaginative.
It
had
been
deprived
of
its
real
body
–
and

maybe
its
imagination
–
by
its
own
race.
Whether
it
was

as
punishment
for
a
crime
or
for
some
other
reason,

I
don’t
know.
The
Wire
never
told
me.
Well,
I
never
asked.

It
came
to
Earth
in
a
bolt
of
lightning,
and
it
fed
on
the

electrical
activity
in
the
human
brain.
By
feeding
on
people’s

life
forces,
it
planned
to
create
a
new
body
for
itself.

The
problem
was,
everyone
it
fed
on
was
left
mindless
and

faceless
–
including
my
friend
Rose
Tyler.

162

But
the
Wire’s
main
plan
was
to
use
television.
It
could

exist
in
the
electrical
circuits,
reaching
out
from
TV
sets

for
more
victims.
And,
with
Elizabeth
11’s
coronation
set

to
be
the
biggest
television
event
so
far
in
history,
it
just

had
to
plug
in
to
the
TV
transmitter
at
Alexandra
Palace

and
it
would
be
able
to
drain
the
life
essence
from
the

millions
of
people
watching.

So
that’s
why
I
was
up
on
the
transmitter
tower
–
to
stop

the
Wire.
I
trapped
it
on
an
old
videotape.
Well,
I
say
old,
but

it
hadn’t
actually
been
invented
back
then
–
it’ll
probably
seem

old
to
you,
though.
Having
trapped
it,
I
then
erased
the
tape.

Bye
bye,
Wire,
and
everyone
got
their
faces
back.

163

APOLLO
II
AND
THE

MOON
LANDING

N
1961
THE
PRESIDENT
of
the
United
States,
John

F.
Kennedy,
pledged
to
put
a
man
on
the
Moon
by
the

end
of
the
1960s,
and
Apollo
11
fulfi
lled
that
promise.
The

Saturn
V
rocket
blasted
off
from
the
Kennedy
Space
Center

on
16
July
1969.

On
20
July,
the
Lunar
Module

landed
on
the
Moon’s
surface.

Six
hours
later,
on
21
July,
Neil

Armstrong
became
the
fi
rst

human
to
walk
on
the
Moon.

Well,
you
could
argue

that
it
was
actually

Jamie
McCrimmon,

as
he
came
from
the

eighteenth
century.

I

164

I
was
there,
though
a
little
while
before
the
launch.

I’ve
been
to
the
Moon
a
few
times.
It’s
eerily
beautiful.

And
it’s
an
egg.
It’ll
hatch
one
day,
but
that’s
all
a
long

way
off
yet
.
.
.

I
said
Jamie
was
the
first
human

on
the
Moon.
I
met
him
in
1746,

so
he
was
the
human
from
the

earliest
point
in
history
to
walk

on
the
Moon,
but
we
were
there

in
the
late
twentieth
century

(I
think).
When
you’re
a
time-

traveller,
things
like
‘first’
get
a

bit
confusing.
Anyway,
there
was

a
Moon
base
that
got
attacked
by

the
Cybermen
and
things
became

rather
exciting
and
very
dangerous.

The
next
time
me
and
Jamie

went
to
the
Moon,
we

travelled
in
a
rocket
and

ended
up
at
a
different

moon
base.
That
one
was

attacked
by
the
Ice

Warriors.
Moon
bases
don’t

seem
to
have
much
luck.

165

A
Silent
Invasion

I
once
met
an
impossible
astronaut
at

Lake
Silencio
on
the
Plain
of
Sighs
in

Utah.
It
killed
me
–
or
rather,
River

Song
did,
because
the
astronaut

was
her.
And,
actually,
it
wasn’t

really
me
she
killed
either;
it
was
a

Teselecta
robot
.
.
.
It
all
gets
a

bit
complicated
and
timey-wimey.

166

The
Silence
wanted
me

dead.
They’re
strange,
the

Silence.
They
were
originally

confessional
priests.
You

forget
all
about

them
as
soon

as
you’re
not

looking
at
them
and,

because
of
that,
they’ve

been
on
Earth
for
.
.
.
well,

I’m
not
sure
exactly
how
long,

but
a
very
long
time,
and
no

one’s
noticed.
Or
they
have

noticed,
but
then
they
don’t

remember
it.

I
sabotaged
Apollo
11.
Maybe
‘sabotaged’
is
a
bit
strong,

actually.
I
inserted
a
video
clip
into
the
TV
coverage
of
Neil

Armstrong
stepping
on
to
the
Moon.
It
was
a
shot
of
a

Silent
saying
that
you
humans
should
kill
them
all
on
sight.

The
post-hypnotic
suggestion
used
by
the
Silence
meant
the

message
was
planted
in
the
mind
of
everyone
who
saw
it
–

and
just
about
everyone
in
history
has
seen
footage
of
the

first
Moon
landing.
Clever,
eh?
The
Silence
packed
up
and
left

after
that.

167

THE
COLD
WAR

This
really
doesn’t
show
you
how
bad
it
could
have
been.

T

HE
COLD
WAR
refers
to
a
period
of
considerable

political
and
military
tension
between
the
USA
and
its

NATO
(North
Atlantic
Treaty
Organization)
allies,
and
the

Soviet
Union
and
its
Warsaw
Pact
allies.
The
exact
dates

are
disputed,
but
1947
to
1991
is
the
most
commonly

accepted
time
period.

There
was
never
a
full-scale
war
between
the
two

opposing
sides
during
the
Cold
War.
Each
side
had
a

considerable
nuclear
arsenal,
which
served
to
deter
the
other

from
launching
a
nuclear
attack
out
of
fear
of
retaliation.

168

Things
came
close
to
all-out
war
a
few

times,
though.
It
got
pretty
hairy.

A
long
time
for
any
sort
of
war,
hot
or
cold.

There
was
a
lot
going
on
behind
the
scenes
to
preserve

the
peace.
When
I
was
working
at
UNIT
(the
Unified

Intelligence
Taskforce
–
and
yes,
I
had
a
job,
though
not

really
through
choice),
they
were
always
off
providing

security
for
peace
conferences.

The
Master
tried
to

sabotage
one
conference

with
a
mind
parasite

that
used
people’s

worst
fears
to
kill

them.
He
was
also
after

a
nerve-gas
missile
to

blow
up
the
conference.

Another
peace

conference
got

attacked
by
an
army

of
Daleks
from
the

future
trying
to

change
history.
It

wasn’t
an
easy
time,

the
Cold
War.

Oh,
and
in
1983
I
got
stuck
on
a
Soviet

submarine
somewhere
near
the
North
Pole
.
.
.

169

The
Cold
War

Firebird
was
the
name
of
the
submarine
I
got
stuck
on
–
or

whatever
that
is
in
Russian.
I
was
actually
heading
for
Las

Vegas,
so
I’m
not
quite
sure
what
went
wrong
there.

The
submarine’s
crew
thought
they’d
found
a
mammoth
frozen

in
the
polar
ice.
But,
as
they
discovered
when
it
thawed,
it

wasn’t
a
mammoth.
It
was
an
Ice
Warrior
called
Skaldak,
and

he
wasn’t
very
happy
–
partly
because
he’d
been
frozen
so
long

he
thought
the
rest
of
his
race
was
dead,
and
partly
because

the
submarine
crew
attacked
him.
He
decided
Earth
had

declared
war
and
so
he
wanted
to
launch

the
submarine’s
nuclear
missiles.

170

I
tried
to
talk
him
out
of
it,
and
luckily
some
other

Ice
Warriors
turned
up
in
a
spaceship
to
rescue
him.

The
TARDIS,
not
being
stupid,
had
left
us
and
gone
off

somewhere
safer
–
it’s
the
Hostile
Action
Displacement
System

that
does
that,
when
I
remember
to
set
it.
It
moves
the

TARDIS
somewhere
safer,
but
just
a
short
distance
away.

This
particular
time,
though,
I
think
maybe
I
set
it
wrong,

because
the
TARDIS
moved
from
the
North
Pole
to
the
South

Pole.
That
may
be
close
in
terms
of
the
size
of
the
universe
as
a

whole,
but
if
you’ve
got
to
walk
then
it
isn’t
actually
close
at
all.

171

WORLD
MAP

Norway
–
Ashildr
came

from
somewhere
round

here.
I
think.
Difficult
to
be

exact
as
the
Vikings
stuck

me
on
a
boat
for
days.

North

America

United
Kingdom
–

Damp,
brave

little
island.
More

attempted
alien

invasions
have
taken

place
here
than

anywhere
else.
No

idea
why.
It
can’t

be
the
weather.

South

America

Antarctica

172

Utah
–
I
got
shot

not
really)
by
an

and
killed
(but

impossible
astronaut

next
to
a
lake
round

here
somewhere.

Paris
and
Istanbul
–
The
original
Orient
Express
ran
between

Paris
and
Constantinople,
which
is
now
called
Istanbul.
That’s

not
the
Orient
Express
I
went
on,
though
–
that
one
was
in

space.
Which
isn’t
on
this
map.

Europe

Asia

Africa

Oceania

Asia,
Africa,
South
America
–
Wiped

out
by
the
Daleks
when
they
invade

in
the
twenty-second
century.

Although
that
hasn’t
happened
yet,

so
I
guess
it’s
not
really
history
as

far
as
you’re
concerned.

173

Map
of
World
with
Glaciated
Areas
by
FreeVectorMaps.com

Are
you
still
reading?
Trust
me,
this
book
is
a
lot
more
exciting

and
factually
correct
than
it
used
to
be.
I’ve
helped
a
lot.
But

now
I
want
to
make
sure
it
was
worth
the
effort
and
that
you

were
paying
attention.
So
here
are
some
quick
questions
for
you.

I’ll
make
it
easier
by
giving
you
a
choice
of
answers.
No
cheating,

though.
No
sneaky
turning
back
to
check.
I’ll
be
watching
(but
you

won’t
see
me).

Ready?
Right,
here
we
go
then.
The
answers

are
over
the
page,
for
when
you’re
done.

1.
What
was
the
name
of
the

Jagaroth
who
got
splintered

in
time?

a.
Sephiroth

b.
Kevin

c.
Scaroth

2.
The
ancient
Egyptian

gods
were
based
on
what

alien
race?

a.
The
Osirans

b.
The
Mire

c.
The
Zogs

3.
Who
started
the
fire
that

burned
down
Rome?

a.
The
Pyroviles

b.
Emperor
Nero

c.
The
Terrible
Zodin

4.
What
was
the
name
of

the
Viking
girl
who
I

brought
back
from
the
dead

and
made
immortal?

a.
Agnes

b.
Odinir

c.
Ashildr

174

5.
Did
Robin
Hood
really
exist?

a.
Yes

b.
No

c.
Maybe
–
I’m
not
willing
to

commit
one
way
or
the
other

6.
Who
started
the
Great
Fire

of
London?

a.
A
baker
in
Pudding
Lane

b.
Giant
plague
rats

c.
Me
–
but
it
wasn’t
my
fault

7.
How
did
the
ancient
Aztecs

get
engaged?

a.
Making
a
cup
of
cocoa

b.
Buying
a
nice,
sparkly
ring

c.
Doing
a
special
dance

8.
Who
painted
the

Mona
Lisa?

a.
Vincent
van
Gogh

b.
Leonardo
da
Vinci

c.
Florence
Nightingale

9.
Why
did
I
propose
marriage

to
Queen
Elizabeth
I?

a.
I
really
liked
her

b.
It
was
that
or
execution

c.
I
thought
she
was
a
Zygon

10.
Who
was
the
devilishly

handsome
accomplice
of

the
highwayman
known
as

the
Knightmare?

a.
Sam
Swift
the
Quick

b.
Dick
Turpin

c.
Me

11.
Who
was
after
Madame

de
Pompadour’s
head?

a.
King
Louis
XV
of
France

b.
Clockwork
robots
from

the
future

c.
The
local
hat
maker

12.
Who
unexpectedly
turned

up
at
a
reading
by
Charles

Dickens
in
Cardiff?

a.
Walking
corpses

b.
The
Prince
of
Wales

c.
Lady
Peinforte

13.
Why
was
the
Mary
Celeste

abandoned
by
her
crew?

a.
The
cargo
was
leaking

dangerous
fumes

b.
They
all
fancied
a
swim

c.
They
were
frightened

by
Daleks

14.
What
creature
did
I
save

Queen
Victoria
from?

a.
A
vampire

b.
A
sort
of
werewolf

c.
An
enormous
spider

15.
Madame
Vastra,
Jenny

Flint
and
Strax
the
Sontaran

are
collectively
known

as
what?

a.
The
Three
Billy
Goats

Gruff

b.
The
Kensington
Set

c.
The
Paternoster
Gang

16.
What
attacked
the

lighthouse
on
Fang
Rock?

a.
A
Rutan

b.
A
Zygon

c.
Cybermen

17.
Did
the
SS
Bernice
vanish

on
its
voyage
to
Bombay?

a.
Yes

b.
No

c.
Yes
and
no

18.
What
animals
did
the
Cult

of
Skaro
turn
people
into

during
the
Great
Depression?

a.
Pigs

b.
Ducks

c.
Geese

19.
What
were
the
Ironsides,

which
were
apparently

invented
by
Professor

Bracewell?

a.
Mini-submarines

b.
Daleks

c.
A
new
sort
of
chocolate

biscuit

20.
Which
alien
creature

thawed
out
on
board
the

Soviet
submarine
Firebird?

a.
An
Ice
Warrior

b.
A
vampire
from
the
Shades

of
Desparatis

c.
The
Vashta
Nerada

175

There
was
an
index
here.
But
it
wasn’t
much
use

really.
Especially
as
I’ve
removed
a
lot
of
the

things
it
was
indexing.
Instead,
here
are
the

answers
to
the
questions
on
the
previous
page.

1.
c

2.
a

3.
b

4.
c

5.
a

6.
c

7.
a

8.
b

9.
c

10.
c

11.
b

12.
a

13.
c

14.
b

15.
c

16.
a

17.
c

18.
a

19.
b

20.
a

I
hope
you
found
all
this
interesting!
I

think
history
is
one
of
the
most
fascinating

subjects
there
is.
But
then
I
suppose,
in
a

way,
everything
is
history
to
me.
You
still

make
a
distinction
between
past,
present
and

future;
for
me,
they’re
all
muddled
up.

And
that
makes
it
all

even
more
interesting.

176

–
sadly

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First
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2016

001

Written
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Justin
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Illustrations
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Dan
Green

Copyright
©
BBC
Worldwide
Limited,
2016

BBC,
DOCTOR
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DALEKS,
CYBERMAN
and
K-9

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ISBN:
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